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Agreed, not only for fitting in your mouth reasons, but also because the ratio of burger to bun to other toppings needs to be balanced. Too many burgers these days are made for Instagram, not for taste.
You don’t want your bun-to-burg ratio too high, though.
Low key European burgers got it going
I would rather have two small burgers that can be eaten with hands than a tall burger that needs to beaten with knife and fork.
They have this, it’s sliders
Double it. Four even smaller burgers. 8 if you’re feeling brave.
Ahhh, you missed the burger war of 2016!
My wife was craving, and I quote, “a burger big enough to choke an elephant.”
Challenge accepted.
I get the supplies together, and set out on a mission. Great big ol buns, and an obscene amount of beef. Half a pound each. I was not fucking around, and was perfect willing to make mine a three meal endeavour, I don’t mind leftover burgers.
So, these fuckers are full bun sized, and almost an inch thick when cooked.
I get everything plated, all the fixins on the table and give a yell.
Annnnnd it was on. They were “too big, do you think I can suck an orange down or something?” No comment.
But, you said you wanted a burger that could choke an elephant.
I didn’t mean literally, I can’t even take a bite!
Well, squash it down.
But then it’s all squashed.
Then cut it into pieces? I don’t know, you said you wanted giant mouthfuls of hot, salty, greasy meat, and you turned down the D, so you gotta work with me here.
But it’s a burger, you shouldn’t have to cut it.
I take a giant bite
I don’t have to.
Well, yeah, but you could suck elephant dick, sasquatch boy.
I’ll give you something to suck, you sass machine.
I just want a burger, couldn’t you have made it bigger around instead?
Maybe if you wanted it to hang off the bun like crazy, they only make them so big. Any thinner and I’d have had to cook them one at a time because they’d be the size of a plate.
Well, why didn’t you just cook smaller burgers altogether?
Because you said you wanted a burger that could choke an elephant. If you just wanted a bunch of regular sized burgers, you could have gotten a whopper or whatever.
But you know I can only open my jaw so far.
Yeah, I know exactly how far, and that burger isn’t anywhere near that thick, thank you
It is with the bun and everything! It’s thicker!
Look, you turned that down anyway, not my fault. Just cut it in half and make two burgers.
But then it’s only crusty and crispy on one side.
Well, I can give it a quick sear.
But then it’s over cooked
Do you not want the burger? Look at the dog, she wants it.
I want it! I just want it where I can get my mouth on it to take a bite.
reaches over and pulls the patty off, then squashes it on the plate
There, that’ll do it.
But now it’s all messy!
Woman, you do know there’s limited options here. You said you wanted huge. They’re huge. They’re amazing too, no matter how squished and messy. Eat the burger.
Fine!
Mumble-grumble jaw going to hurt for days, rassin frassin yeti looking hairball
So, is it good?
Mmph.
Is that a yes?
Myus, itsh good. frantic chewing and swallowing
See, I told you
enter the bird of paradise, flipping my way
Love you too baby
Mate I just had to read this to my wife because it sounds exactly like a conversation we would have! It sounds like you two are just as happy in your relationship as we 😊
We have so much fun. When you can take the piss a little, it really does help keep things happy, because it’s all from love
I would rather have two burgers rather than a super tall or wide burger.
No, burgers should be smaller. Sliders are peak burger IMO, then you can just eat as many sliders as you want.
Disagree. The problem with sliders is that you get more bread than burger, and the bread will fill you up faster while leaving you unsatisfied.
Hear me out;
tinier buns. Or just Hawaiian buns.
Hawaiian buns are absolutely amazing for sliders! So squishy! So delightful!
My problem exactly. Thicker burger plz
But super tall burgers with a ridiculous amount of toppings spilling out the side are TRENDY
I don’t even know how i would begin to eat this
For starters, it hardly even looks appetizing. Looks like plastic.
That halloumi cheese on the side falling out tastes amazing, but does squeak on the teeth like it was made of rubber or plasic.
I find it funny that the only part that looks worth eating takes up the least amount of real estate on the “burger”. Whatever that pink slab of meat is that’s way too much on its own just looks unpleasant. It looks like what Scooby and Shaggy would get excited about.
I’m not sure that is halloumi. Looks more like ham or really thick slices of back bacon.
Yeah, you’re probably right. Who’d expect ham on a hamburger?
Fork and knife deconstructed would be my solution. But i wouldn’t order this. I prefer plain cheeseburgers.
A practical solution but kinda defeats the point of a burger being something you should be able to eat with just your hands and also a fancy burger with lots of ingredients is something where you want to taste all the ingredients mixing together.
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That’s disappointing.
They could at least get creative. Like imagine cutting everything but the bread into long vertical slices, and then making rolls with that.
Oh man, I think I’ll try that.
ew
I got diabetes just looking at that monstrosity.
This looks more like a kebab than a burger. Burgers are just hamburg steaks on bread maybe with some toppings, this abomination is a kebab with some bread.
Is that dude wearing a suit? Probably had to just throw it away after wearing it while eating that.
Edit: The roll at the top looks like a tiny hat.
If it needs a wooden support column in the middle it’s bad design.
A small medium and large burger meal should also have a small medium and large burger not just a drink and fries.
Some fast food places work a bit like this in the sense that you tell them how many meat patties you want. It doesn’t change the diameter, but affects the height a fair amount.
My jaw would disconnect trying to eat instagram tower burgers
I just want a double patty smashburger with good sauce and cheddar cheese
Get some maple glazed peppercorn bacon and some bbq sauce on there and I’ll be right next to you!
Mfers trying to make us unhinge our jaws to eat…
A few reasons for this,
When you’re plating food you want things to be ERECT and VOLUPTUOUS, people eat with their eyes more than their mouth and making a plate of food look more attractive than 90% of the population is an artform that all self respecting chefs aspire for.
It’s really funny to make the waiter/waitress you hate run a burger that’s really really tall.
We might have a competition running in the kitchen for who can make the tallest burger with the same portion sizes
But I agree, as much as I like making them whenever I get a tall burger I’m like ‘wtf man?’
Bonus points if they’ve rammed a fucken steak knife through it like a one eyed man playing five finger fillet
You’re not wrong. There was this place in Denmark known for its reasonable prices and large serving sizes. They did burgers the size and general shape of pizzas, albeit taller. We used to order one and split it between the people in the office, with the other half saved for the next day. It was fucking awesome.
Amen brother, just turned down an 8 pack as they were fatter.
My buns need a burger that matches it!
I thought your buns needed some sausage
My point exactly. If I have to disassemble it in order to eat it, I simply lose the “burger experience”, which for me is bun+patty+extras+bun, to be eaten by hand. I would end up with one half-burger with bun and patty, and one with bun and extras, difficult to eat by hand because you cannot grip it properly because the other bun is missing.
You have to eat it top to bottom, that’s why there’s salad and pickles at the top, meat in the middle and ice-cream at the bottom. It’s designed scientifically!
I nearly spewed my coffee across the table when I read ‘ice cream’.
Mmmm meat juice ice cream, my favorite!
