In the end this ramble will be pretty meaningless until I actually manage to have any actual relationship, cuz its kinda dumb to talk about it never being in one (well technically there was one week long disaster, but that’s not a story for today). Ive got disorders and am well aware of my perception of reality being distorted, which doesn’t mean I actually can recognize these distortions. For some reason, whether those distortions or experience, I consider gay peoples very cool and interesting and it would kinda feel nice to be one of those? I think? Idk, am histrionic, Ive had a history of jokingly flirting with all irl friends regardless of gender, but I did it more for the sport of it than to make it into something serious (don’t do it anymore, realized it was too easy for me to overstep boundaries). Sometimes I get a like on a dating app from a man I would consider really fucking good lookin’, but like, why do they send me a like to never ever respond? I hate dating apps. So yeah, I just wanted to ramble a bit, please yell at me if you mind
Dating apps are demoralizing for most people. Never take them personally.
When my son approached me with a similar ramble I told him to not worry about the label. Sometimes it’s encouraging to find a label we fit and it makes us feel more like part of a group rather than alone. That is valuable but any label is also constraining. If you don’t fit a label, it’s the label that is limiting, not you. You should do what works best for you, regardless whether it fits any specific label. And that includes not doing it if that is best for you at this time
Do lesbians who like butch women a cop out?
Point is, you do you. Everyone is different and has different tastes. It’s not a distortion it’s just you being you. And you are enough. Just have to find someone who sees that potential in you, that’s a partner.
Speaking as a bi/pan person myself, why is it important what kind of men you like? Like, feminine men are a preference of yours and that’s fine: it’s a preference. Just like you can have a preference for jock-ish ripped people or for pasty lean guys. If you’re attracted to them, you’re attracted to them.
For example, I like men that have similar political beliefs as I do, that are a little more alternative-leaning, and if they’re vegan, I might just lose it already lol. The rest is pretty irrelevant. Don’t get me wrong - I’ll know if I find a man attractive based on looks. But the three other points are more important to me, so they’ll usually make the person more attractive to me as a result. I could see myself engaging with them one way or another. Know what I mean?
You shouldn’t have to feel bad about having a preference is all I’m trying to say. And it’s not a cop out either. The good thing about dating and queerness is that you don’t have to settle for someone you think you should settle for because of preconceived societal norms but you actually get to choose.
Just a couple thoughts of mine, hope it helps someway. :) ✨
You sound like me before I learned what asexuality is.
“People pick their labels don’t they? maybe this one for me.”
Then I’d go over and over in my head wondering why it never worked. Then came the answer to all my questions - I was None of the Above ™.
