A couple of weeks ago I pulled out without looking, this is the second time this has happened since I have started driving, a car flipped and ever since than all I get is bad news, nothing has been good. My friends are more distant, I considered sucide a couple of days ago and my friends stopped me. I recently found out I am getting sued on top of everything. I just feel like I deserve bad things and my existance will be pain for as long as I keep walking this earth. I work a souless retail job, and my friends are tired of hearing me complain cause it’s easier than their jobs.
I’m in the same kinda problem with wanting to unalive myself. Only real reason I don’t is I’m not afraid of dying Im afraid of surviving as it’s like statistics 10% chance I’ll be able to do it and 90% chance I’ll end up in the hospital, and my God the healthcare system treats people who try really badly and then I’ll won’t be able to pay rent. Then just everything will go bad…
So the main reason for me to not try to unalive my self is because is a huge statistics that’s ill survive. And don’t get me started on what would my body be and my brain state afterwards depending on how I would try I might loose eyes, legs, shit would make my life incredibly hard to live with…
So yeah I’m with you, been disabled and unable to get any social security for 10 years and every second is a struggle. Only real thing I can do to resist is to live on and fuck them all.