I’m a bit confused, mainly because I’ve never been told this before. I once was trying to talk to someone I met, and asked them questions about themselves to get to know them.
After a while, they just said, “You don’t have to do this, you know. I’m fine with being silent.”
How would you respond to this? I don’t really know the implications or anything.
It means that the person you are talking to believes that you’re just making polite conversation because you’re uncomfortable with silence. They are letting you know that they would prefer you didn’t make conversation, because they prefer silence to idle chatter.
Thanks!
Perhaps they assumed that you felt obligated to speak to them, and they felt the need to absolve you of that obligation. That would be the literal meaning of the phrase.
A different interpretation could be that they didn’t want to continue the conversation. In this scenario, they would prefer to be silent, and by suggesting that, “You don’t have to do this,” they have given you a polite, symbolic agency in ending the conversation, implying that both of you would rather be silent. In this way, instead of directly rejecting you, the decision to be silent would be shared. It’s a way of allowing you to save face.
Note that just because they might want to be silent, doesn’t mean that they dislike you. There are many reasons why people might know to speak at any given moment, and some people are just shy.
It’s hard to say which interpretation is correct without hearing the tone of voice, and understanding the general situation. There could be other factors or other interpretations as well.
I think their tone was kind of matter-of-fact
Yeah, it looks like they were more into being quiet and non interactive.
Generally, I would have said it differently because I’m an old fart and not afraid to say “hey, could you chill on the questions, I’m not up for it.” Not only am I fine with being direct, I also don’t feel the need to be snarky.
So obviously, I’m also not likely to ever have to respond to such a statement as theirs.
So, what I think would be the ideal response is different from how I would actually respond.
In your place, I think something along the lines of “cool, no problem” would have been best. It lets them know you got the message, but doesn’t push back on a stranger for being a bit of a dick, which can be risky.
Okay, thank you! We said a bit more later and they asked me “Is there anything you’ve never told anyone because people would laugh at you?” That one thing they said just kinda confused me
They were opening up about themselves, not implying something about you.
People who actually listen are rare.
Thank you! I meant implying something in general
It really depends on tone and how long the interaction would last. I’d consider saying that rude most of the time as the person making small talk is just doing something nice.
I’m not exactly sure how to respond to that.
I’d say the correct way to respond is by not saying anything. They’ve clearly indicated that they aren’t interested in continuing the conversation.
I’d consider saying that rude most of the time as the person making small talk is just doing something nice.
the question here is how many hints/suggestions/requests has OP already blown past? if all they talk about is the weather, chances are you should just let the conversation drop.
it could be cultural, but yeah, I feel like the person was quite exasperated with OP and was all-but-point-blank telling them to stop talking.
I just remained in silence, then asked them some questions like “So… how’s life?”
Them: “It’s ok, I have a part-time job and usually just stay at home.”
(Silence)
“What kind of things do you do at home?”
“watch tv. I like movies and whatever Adult Swim show comes on.”
Then after a while of silence, they told me I didn’t have to do this.
Yeah; they got the read that you were feeling awkward with silence, but they didn’t want to be asked questions about their life.
Thanks!
