Was listening to someone from Algeria who mentioned they often have issues with lizards finding their way in homes. And I was like “at that point it sounds more like a free pet than vermin.”
Also, what do you do when this happens?
Definitely that time the Secret Service showed up to my childhood home.
This happened when I had already moved out to go to college. I grew up in Iowa, home to the Iowa caucus. Part of living in Iowa is every four years you get bombarded by political messages, polls, people wanting you to donate and attend rallies, etc. I know this occurs to some degree everywhere, but it’s a different beast in Iowa.
The 2008 Iowa Caucus season was in full swing. Ads were everywhere. Phone calls were numerous. One day my 13 year old youngest brother, with poor impulse control and developing mental health issues, happened to pick up the phone.
It’s the Hillary Clinton campaign. They give the spiel, asking for a vote, maybe conducting a poll. He humors them and listens, frustrated though he is with politics. Finally, at the end, they say something like, “oh, and she’s having a rally tonight. Will you be able to attend?”
He replies, “yes, and I’ll bring my gun.” And then hangs up the phone.
And that is how my poor mother, the nicest woman you ever meet, mother of 6 children, with 4 still living at home, ended having to answer the door to two Secret Service agents standing on her stoop.
My youngest brother didn’t face any criminal consequences for that day. It probably helped that he had no criminal record then, was just a kid, and there were no firearms in the house. He got the sternest talking to of his life, and I’m sure there’s still a record of him somewhere in the Secret Service archives.
I suppose it was an early sign of things to come. His life didn’t get easier after that. He struggled through the rest of his schooling, never made a serious attempt at college. Was diagnosed with bipolar and used a lot of substances to self medicate. Stole a lot from friends and family, lived on the street for awhile. Served several years in prison for a completely pointless robbery of a liquor store. Drifted from job to job and never really got any traction in life. OD’d at 27, just another victim of the opioid crisis.
Miss you little brother, despite everything you did. Hope you’re in a better place. At least you never had to see the world as it is now.
Florida scarlet snake. Disconcerting to find a danger-colored snake in your house at midnight, even if it’s harmless. Very surprised I found it before the dog or six cats did.
Red on black - okay jack
but in the middle of the night
fuck that shiteI always heard “red and black, venom lack” but this works too
A friend of mine found one of those slither up some tiny vents and into his parents’ bathroom through the heater, in New York. All while his older brother was going number two.
She’s a cutie
Left my apartment window open once when going out, came back that night to find a pigeon just sort of wandering around. It clearly had no idea how to get back outside.
Took me a bit to corner it and catch it but I did manage to get it back out the window.
When I was 14 I got a cat. The first day, he disappeared somewhere inside of the house and I couldn’t find him. I figured he was just hiding in a cozy spot. The next morning, I woke up to a dead bat at the foot of my bed. I can only guess that he had found his way into the attic crawl space and brought a fresh kill for me to enjoy.
Was the cat hurt? Bats know how to fight back.
Nope, luckily he was totally fine. He lived to be 20 years old!
A weta.
Their scientific name means ‘terrible cricket’ for the same reason dinosaur means ‘terrible lizard’: they’re big. Unlike the ones wikipedia shows you, mine was only palm-sized. They’re basically harmless, so I scooped him up and deposited him outside.
I think I saw some once. I thought it was a cockroach.
A Python Snake. In England.
Turned out to be a neighbour’s pet.
Found a frog in the toilet once.
I’ve had a toilet frog sneak-attack my butt while I was sitting on the toilet.
Was it every bit as good as you had hoped?
No. Turns out having to remove from your toilet an uncooperative frog that was just swimming in your pee is not a good time.
Did the ER dr believe that?
What’s the most peculiar unexpected visitor (or “pest”) that wound up in your home?
Mother in law.
I miss the little lizards down in Florida. Sure, you’d find a tail in your closet sometime. But they’re cute.
A tail, as in they come off the lizards?
Yes, lizards use it as an escape tactic. A bird might grab them by the tail and then they’ll “detach” the tail. They’ll then just regrow a new one.
Yup, they break off and they’ll regrow.
They’re so cute tho!
My little brother was obsessed with getting anoles to bite his fingers. You know how sometimes they’ll “hiss” at you to make you go away? They’d get fingers in their mouths for that xD
More common in geckos, I think, but yes.
I briefly subletted a room in a party house…
A drunk dude passed out on the toilet I discovered while trying to go and get a shower.
At my house it’s cats.
We officially adopted two, and three more have since shown up on the porch and been invited to live with us.
A young bird! It flew into my face a couple times the poor thing, but I managed to set it free in the end! Now I’m more wary of having my windows open too wide…
Stinkbugs…they came invading from another hemisphere recently. Leave a window open and enjoy them everywhere by the 100s inside.
Somebody’s pet ferret once showed up on my parents’ back porch in when I was in college. No way to track, and signs resulted in nothing. They gave it to my sister’s then-GF.
Cute little bugger, like a cat but friendlier. Kinda stinky though.
Cave crickets, mostly. They like sneaking in through the ventilation ducts.
