A very very very important video about how enjoyment is not automatically consent by Evie Lupine. We highly recommend it be watched because a lot of people seem to think that all that matters is pleasure and/or enjoyment when it’s not. In fact sometimes not enjoying something is the point. Enjoy the journey, nuance and remember consent, boundaries and autonomy come first and what we have learned from society about such things isn’t always the case. We don’t have to perform a certain type of enjoyment or interest to want to do something or be okay with it.
It’s not complicated, the way I think about it. I might, in some objective measurable sense, enjoy it if you secretly put extra sugar in everything at the grocery store… But I would still be angry when I found out it was done to be secretly.
It is complicated because of what society teaches us and how we are shamed. We do agree with your example, however, it can be difficult to untangle the things we have been taught about the two and their alleged intertwining.
I think that’s one of the best analogy I’ve heard. I think I’ll reuse that one.
I like it but I don’t like that you felt you could just do it without asking
Language-wise our culture seems to have blurred this (on purpose?)…
Would you mind explaining more what you mean?
I like and I want are often used interchangeably in meaning as if this very relevant detail is not important. On the other hand, in coercive situations this difference is a way to save self-recognition, when you don’t or don’t feel like you get a real choice, but some sort of “agreement” is ordered.
Wow, that’s terrifying. We really appreciate the explanation however. We understand what you mean as we have been unlearning such things, it is difficult but worth it in the end as we want to be fully consensually with both others and ourselves.
