As a kid, I learned to “pause” my true self. School was the pause, and my hobbies, dreams, and passions were the unpause—something I’d rush back to during lunch or after class.
Over time, the pauses got longer. Tiredness and responsibilities crept in, leaving little energy to unpause at the end of some days.
At work, sometimes the pressure and the demands were so relentless that I couldn’t unpause for weeks or months at a time.
Then came marriage, fatherhood, and the joy—and work—of raising a child.
I want my son to get to know the real me but I worry that by the time he is grown I won’t have any “self” to unpause to.
i was raised in a high pressure household and school was always always the pause. im only 23 now but im still struggling to figure out who i am since i never really got the chance to. responsibilities will always creep in, you have to be super intentional about making time for you. maybe start with a once a week class on something that interests you. as busy as you are, you can find a couple hours one day a week. prioritize movement, eating well, and sleeping enough so you have more energy, and therefore time during the day.
This book could be recommended in those cases: https://archive.org/details/philosophicalpro0000hege/mode/2up and try to read everytime that you are idle, because maybe there is not an ideal place to concentrate about you and you have to include your life in the capital (capitalist system) rhythm by force.