::: Cw suicide
I’ve known since I was 14 I was trans, ended up just having to suffer till I was 20, finally started estrogen, but ever since than it’s just be disgust and disappointment, I realize my body is just gross and repulsive regardless, like my genetics are just cursed. On top of that I have to same usual dead end job, I’m consider the goofy, unattractive person in every single group. I hate it. Outside of people who feel bad for me everyone avoids me cause I’m socially awkward. On top of not even being able to afford my bills I’ve never had an actual relationship. I’m an ugly degenerate loser by every single metric. I think at 23 my best bet is to pull out my credit card, do some research into a common pistol and its uses, walk into an academy, an tell them which gun I want and for common use etc, than go that parking lot I picked outside of town and pull the trigger. I picked it specifically cause it’s empty, no one but first responders will find me. I just feel so horrible but I’ve been in pain so long I honestly feel :::
I’ve been suicidal before due to chronic pain and other hard health problems. I held on… somehow… and I did manage to finally make some progress. It will likely always be a struggle, but it did get better. The idea that such a change would ever happen felt ridiculous about 3 years ago.
Life is difficult enough when you don’t have health issues to manage. Our lives are more complicated than that, but wouldn’t overcoming that high difficulty level give you a real sense of pride in your own strength? I have that now. You just have to know and to believe that improvement is possible in order for it to come.
That won’t happen if you take the easy way out. If you haven’t tried each and every option available to you, then you still have hope.
You haven’t told us what all you have tried yet.