I’m always the one trying to put stuff together and nothing ever ends up happening. It’s clear I matter a lot less to everyone than they matter to me and that hurts. I really really wish that giving up on having people in my life would stop me from craving social interaction.

Mentioned feeling suicidal to the wrong friend and he freaked out and gave me the classically unhelpful/actively harmful pep talk and advice without ever trying to fucking understand and it makes me feel so fucking invisible. Like, people only care about me when I impact them by upsetting them at the thought of me harming myself. They don’t actually care, they just want to make themselves feel better, so I get the “be better, I don’t want to hear about you being suicidal anymore” talk so they can put my mental illness in the “done” pile and go back to not thinking about me. I do have a couple friends who will actually listen and empathize and understand, but there’s only so much you can lay on someone before it drives them away.

I’m going to delete or abandon this account soon. Trying to be social on Lemmy kind of is worse than having no social interaction at all, the internet in general but more specifically this corner of it is just filled with arguments and negativity and I end up dreading seeing inbox notifications. So, if I stop posting, I’m probably still around, not that anyone’s checking

  • Ledivin@lemmy.worldEnglish
    28·
    2 days ago

    Mentioned feeling suicidal to the wrong friend and he freaked out and gave me the classically unhelpful/actively harmful pep talk and advice without ever trying to fucking understand and it makes me feel so fucking invisible. Like, people only care about me when I impact them by upsetting them at the thought of me harming myself. They don’t actually care, they just want to make themselves feel better, so I get the “be better, I don’t want to hear about you being suicidal anymore” talk so they can put my mental illness in the “done” pile and go back to not thinking about me. I do have a couple friends who will actually listen and empathize and understand, but there’s only so much you can lay on someone before it drives them away.

    So, at first, this won’t feel good. At first; this is going to hurt but eventually you will realize (I hope) that this is totally normal.

    It’s not that your friend doesn’t care about you - they stuck around and gave you the bullshit spiel, and that doesn’t happen if they don’t give a fuck. I understand that it feels dismissive, but they wouldn’t have given you that “bullshit pep talk” if they didn’t care. They’re not professionals, and they’re not trained - they will NEVER get it right, and they shouldn’t have to. They’re your friends, not your therapists.

    • rami@ani.socialEnglish
      1·
      21 hours ago

      yeah, they might not be therapists, but to start pontificating at someone you’re supposed to care about instead of listening to them and having a conversation? that’s just being a bad friend. it doesn’t just feel dismissive, it is dismissive. op’s friend was not engaging with how they feel and what they’re going through, they’re telling op how they want them to be. and you can absolutely “get it right.” you can listen, engage and commiserate. show sympathy and empathy.

      I’ve been on the receiving end of several of those talks and let me tell you most of those people never gave a shit to begin with. the rest are just bad at communicating. just because it’s normal doesn’t mean it’s good.

      we can all do better, be better.

    • i_dont_want_toEnglish
      6·
      2 days ago

      They’re not professionals, and they’re not trained - they will NEVER get it right, and they shouldn’t have to. They’re your friends, not your therapists.

      I knew this, but seeing it spelled out…

      It is so hard to hear from a friend I am trying to help that any support I give isn’t good enough. It is exhausting that my best I give is just thrown back at me and used as proof that life isn’t worth living. Honestly just made me not want to talk to anyone for a long time because of it.