So. This is something I’ve never talked to anyone in my real life about, but for whatever reason I’m more comfortable asking a bunch of strangers on the internet for advice. Deep breath.

I am coming up on 40yo, and since I was 16 I’ve mostly been in dedicated heterosexual relationships. I have always considered myself a cis male and maybe a little bi but things are… changing rapidly, I guess. I am single for the first time in years all this freedom and time means I’m doing some long overdue introspection. I don’t think I’ve ever been particularly happy with my body or my gender. I am finding myself much more attracted to people with penises, and more importantly, I am finding myself wanting to play a different, more submissive maybe, role in the bedroom. I finally have an opportunity to try new and different things with all sorts of different people, and that’s sort of exciting, but I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing or even what I’m feeling.

I see a lot of trans folks self-actualizing and I’m super happy for them. I envy them for knowing what they want. I don’t know what I want and it’s driving me a little crazy lately. I would kill to have that level of knowledge of who I wanted to be. I am not a particularly masculine man, but I don’t think I feel like I would be more comfortable being more traditionally feminine, though that doesn’t necessarily repulse me, either. I would certainly be happier with less body hair. When I was I kid I wanted to be a robot. Now as an adult I maybe just want to be a robot who fucks occasionally, gender irrelevant. Fully functional, you might say. I don’t really know what to do with that feeling, though.

Any advice on how to navigate literally any of this would be awesome. I feel like a teenager again, no idea how any of this works or where to even begin. I don’t have the knowledge or the language to talk coherently about any of this stuff, and certainly no experience. I am doing my best you guys but all of this is confusing as fuck.

  • Valmond@lemmy.worldEnglish
    3·
    5 days ago

    Thank you for the long explanation!

    So mostly it boils down to perceived possible shittyness, I guess?

    I probably need to think about all this more. Thanks for the video, and for the record, I couldn’t care less if I “feel gay” about something I like, but it is minefield I feel, because people are people and some consider those things like it’s important I guess.

    Well, lots if thoughts, thanks again!

    • dandelionEnglish
      2·
      5 days ago

      I don’t think it boils down to perceived possible shittyness, it’s that the reasons people have for liking the penis are usually that it’s male, and because they are attracted in some ways to men.

      This comes up a lot with self-described straight men who don’t want to admit they have sexual feelings for men, so they sublimate that attraction onto a woman who happens to have “male” genitals.

      And it’s relevant if it’s “gay” because it shows how you’re thinking about the genitals, if it’s gay to have sex with a trans woman it implies the penis is male and the woman’s gender is undone by this.

      We also see this kind of behavior with labels like “men who have sex with men” - so many men are unwilling to admit they could have sexual attraction to men.