Republican after reading news article about republicans removing a bajillion people’s voter registrations for no fucking reason:
Republican after reading news article about a hurricane: “Those liberals built an honest to goodness weather-controlling death ray and they’re using it to make hurricanes that target republicans so they have a harder time voting”
Christ almighty searching for shit on the internet is a pain in the ass now, it took me forever to find this
What the hell is dangling off the flag holder on the house? And more importantly, why is it dangling?
Lead towel.
Can’t believe how obvious it is. Am idiot.
Looks like a Texas flag. No idea why it’s dangling in what appears to be a windy field
Here’s my prediction: after Helene fucks up half of Florida, Biden will sign a high relief package for the state.
DeSantis will turn it down and let his citizens suffer for party politics
DeSantis will accept the money, then use it to cut the state’s taxes. Biden will threaten to suspend payment, on the grounds that it is misappropriation of funds. DeSantis will then insist Biden is trying to unconstitutionally raise Florida’s taxes in the wake of a lethal hurricane. He will then claim FEMA agents are trying to turn people Transgender.
You left out the part where republicans in the state blame Biden/Woke Liberals for not doing anything.
Oh, sorry, I figured that was implied!
I wish this was satire and not an accurate prediction…
Same… Same 😭
They’d do that, even if Biden showed up and threw paper towels at them in-person!
It’s always the same with red states. They bitch and moan about how every state has disasters, and how they are prepared and they shouldn’t have to pay for states where the people just
have to much melanindon’t work as hard…And then they get hammered by a hurricane, or a little bit of cold weather (looking at you Texas) and suddenly it’s “we don’t have any money left, we need to take care of each other, our fellow countrymen are suffering”. It’s be nice to find a way to just royally fuck those politicians just once…
HAARP is a research program studying the ionosphere IN ALASKA! Apparently this void-skull thinks it’s a weather machine controlling the Hurricanes in fucking Florida!?
Edit: Dug deeper into the conspiracy theories about HAARP. So many morons attribute so many powers to this fucking radio research station. Hurricanes, floods, droughts, earthquakes… it can make the sky appear to burn and control minds. It can flip the Earth’s magnetic poles. It can neutralize satellites. And it can create artificial aurora’s in the sky visible across the entire northern hemisphere. Man… conspiracy theorists think science is way cooler and more advanced than it actually is. I wish we were at that level of technology. This isn’t even a new research facility. It’s over 30 years old. We were still using VHS’s when this fucking apocalypse machine was being built. Imagine what we could do now!
If Democrats actually controlled the weather, wouldn’t they make wind turbines and solar panels way more efficient?
Duh, everyone knows wind turbines kill birds and birds are CIA drones to maintain the holographic disquises of the reptalian vegans…
Why do you think they release doves at the Olympics?!
And I really don’t think you need someone to explain how the Italian Easter Bunny is connected to solar panel. It’s 3027 for Glorgon’s sake.
/s
You can’t out logic someone who didn’t get to their current situation without giving logic a second thought.
Using Radio and Television broadcast technology that was invented more than 40 years ago.
Apparently this void-skull thinks
Let me stop you right there. They don’t think, they just are.
Can it make my dick bigger?
hands you magnifying glass and pats your head
There you go, buddy.
Whoaa
Science has it’s limits
Conspiracy theorists are just ordinary people lying to themselves and everyone else instead of taking responsibility for their own actions. Nothing new or surprising here, just more of the same cowardly schoolyard behaviour played out at a grand scale. We give people, adults especially, way too much credit.
To me the most bizarre conspiracy theory aspect is, that they consider governments capable of large scale conspiracies. But if you’re in the mood for some more, check chemtrails theories. You won’t be disappointed.
These people see the US Government as an entity that is massive, overbearing, all-powerful, and technologically advanced beyond our imaginations. But they also think we should privatize everything because the US government is inept, overworked, impotent, and unmodernized at everything. It’s a weird dissonance they live in.
Damn looks like they better look into more thoughts and prayers.
Rather than, you know, climate change and funding that science.
Speaking of which…I really need to hit the store to stock up on those thoughts and prayers before Walmart is sold out.
If the US Government was at the “stop at nothing” stage you’d find out the same way the Cherokee did.
And the Choctaw and the Chickasaw and the Seminole and the Mvskoke and the . . .
Democrats: We should STOP doing things that Cause MASSIVE WEATHER PATTERNS! Republicans: That’s Socialism! Also Republicans: It’s DEMOCRATS Fault for these MASSIVE WEATHER PATTERNS!
Who could have predicted Florida would get hit by a hurricane, I ask you?
I got this!
Grab me a Sharpie! Stat!!
If HAARP can control hurricanes, why do we have to deal with them at all? Wouldn’t any shadow government secretly controlling the weather have a strong incentive to divert any dangerous weather away from the US? The loss of life is low enough in each hurricane that a few black ops soldiers would be far more cost effective for eliminating enemies. Show me a power hungry autocrat that is going to feel okay funding fema knowing they could have just kept those funds for other things by preventing those disasters.
Or even better, direct them at our enemies and countries we don’t like. Why hasn’t Cuba been ravaged by decades of severe hurricanes leaving the country in shambles? HAARP has been around long enough they could have destroyed dozens of enemies of the US.
It’s not like anyone could stop the US. It has the most powerful military on earth, most of the world’s nuclear weapons, veto power in the international organizations that matter, and provides defense for most of the western world. What is the shadow government waiting for?
Why hasn’t Cuba been ravaged by decades of severe hurricanes leaving the country in shambles?
Communist counter-HAARP efforts are more advanced than the CIA would like to admit.
Hmm… it’s actually kind of fun to come up with brainless conspiracy talk
I’d recommend trying it with a real conspiracy theorist, it’s hilarious. It’s basically the improv game “yes, and…”
Relevant xkcd
Why hasn’t Cuba been ravaged by decades of severe hurricanes leaving the country in shambles?
So a research center in Alaska using 1980s TV and Radio broadcast technology is controlling the weather in the Gulf?
Would you agree 1940’s technology could destroy the planet in just a few minutes?
Sniff not at radio waves.
I think nuclear bombs and radios are different orders of magnitude in power. If nukes can’t stop or steer a hurricane, I doubt radio waves that can’t even get to the Gulf could.
Holy shit, I forgot about nuking a hurricane idea Trump had. He can’t be president again.
This was a big conspiracy theory on the right about a decade ago. Surprised to see it pop up again.
Just sharpie the path of the hurricane towards California or something
I wonder what would happen if people started regurgitating the same conspiracy theories the conservatives believe, but instead aimed those conspiracy theories at the conservatives themselves.
Blame everything on the “Shallow State operatives”, frame the existence of viruses and diseases as the conservatives’ method of population control, assert as fact that the cons are installing chem trail canisters into planes to keep us drugged, shit like that. Sure, it’s Spider-Man pointing at Spider-Man, but it could be fun to see how they react.
Calling Trump weird worked really well. Maybe some religious Democrats can claim the hurricane is god’s divine will for straying so far from biblical teachings and raising Trump as an idol.
Honestly though I think we’re all better served trying to come together against the real threat to our lives, Oligarchs living in a second gilded age.
It’s true enough that most people would only object to the hyperbolic phrasing, but conspiracy theory sounding enough to give the fantasy prone among us something useful to obsess over.
And bonus points, their power is woven into the country so profoundly we’d never agree on what to do about it. But at least we’d be all having the same conversation, which will lead to better outcomes for everyone, even the poo-brained among us. Except maybe the Musks and Bezoses of the world, they’d hate it.
The conservative stance on climate change is quite a mystery. On one hand, they believe anthropogenic climate change is not real and it’s impossible for humans to change climate. On the other hand, they believe the US government has done nothing but fuck with climate through HAARP for their own nefarious ends for 30 years. So who knows what the actual policy is, really. Your average voter is probably not interested of this question - they just want the gas price to go down.
For those out of the loop. There is a batshit crazy right wing conspiracy theory about deep state liberals controlling the weather - and they’ve been using hurricanes and snow storms to prevent republicans from voting in person.
https://www.newsweek.com/what-haarp-iowa-caucus-weather-control-conspiracy-theory-1860800
Thank you. I thought surely this post must be satire
