My dad tells this story of how he met my mom…and he thinks it’s supposed to be endearing. It just comes off as cringeworthy to me.
Essentially my dad went to a bar. Started talking to a drunk woman, and then he left. Got to his car, realized he didn’t have his car keys, and realized they must have been on the tray when he threw out his garbage/food reminants.
So he goes back into the bar, digs around in their garbage until he finds his keys, makes out with my mom, and they spend the night drinking together. Then he drives them to his house drunk, and that’s how he met my mom.
Now I don’t know if that’s the night I was concieved. They did stay together for another 6 years. They got married. But the implication seems to be that I was the result of a bar hookup because my dad is an idiot and threw away his car keys. Then my mom was somehow turned on by the sight of a man digging through the trash, that she starts making out with him.
And based on my dads age, and my age, I can conclude he was 35 years old when I was born. Which means this story likely took place when he was 34.
My mom has never told me her version of the story, and likes to pretend history never happened. She recently told me she never liked Phil Hartman, which I know for a fact isn’t true because I can remember her enjoying him not only on NewsRadio, but also when I was a kid and watching Pee Wee’s Playhouse. Then to hear her a few weeks ago say she never liked him makes me question anything she says about the past. So I wouldn’t even trust her version of the events. Not that she’s exactly willing to tell them anyways.
I’m 41 now, and hate being alive every single day. Every once in a while I think about how I wouldn’t exist if my dad were just not an idiot that one night. Just ONE NIGHT for him to be a well functioning human, and he doesn’t throw away his keys. I never get born, and how much better that would be for everybody. It just frustrates me that something SO SIMPLE could have saved me 41 years of daily agony. And then people wonder why I don’t want kids.
gestures to the entire world
THAT’S WHY.
Does anyone else feel this way?
It is not super common to impregnate on first offense, especially if you were her first child. You can count the days backwards from your birthday to see when it happened. If you were the first child, you may have been a day or few late.
Growing up, I found it funny how many of my friends happened to be born in the first week of September… Happy New Years. There is often, not always, but often some correlated reason why they were free to screw around too much.
Unless my math is wrong, early September is only roughly 8 months from New Year’s, not 9.
I counted backwards once and figured out I was conceived the same month as my parents’ anniversary. I thought I might’ve been the result of their anniversary trip to Jamaica, and for some reason that made me uncomfortable knowing that. A few years later they were talking about the trip and that they didn’t know my mom was pregnant at the time. So thinking more it made sense that I was actually probably from a week or two beforehand, but then that means mom was drinking while pregnant because she didn’t know (although I’m assuming that early doesn’t have much impact).
That early doesn’t have a huge impact, and it’s not universal, but many people lose a taste for alcohol around the time it would start to affect the fetus in a big way.
How far apart are your eyes?
I’m his first/only, her 3rd. My sisters are roughly 10 years older than me.
And?
But… pregnancies are ten months, not nine.
Christmas season is just as good an excuse though.