The longest relationship I ever had: the person would say the craziest, most off-the-wall things in the world. I though they had no sense at all. Then I realized that whenever they said that sort of thing, they would be carefully observing how people reacted. That person frequently asked me for advice, but rarely took it, which was infuriating. Then I realized that they asked lots of people for advice, and carefully considered them all. Eventually I understood that person had solid grades despite serious life distractions, was an excellent judge of character, and was really good at making difficult decisions.
So I guess my point is: there’s all kinds of smarts, and it can be hard to tell who’s got em good.
Intelligence is important, but I think even more important is curiosity and an open mind. There are lots of really smart people who are also closed-minded insufferable know it alls. And if they’re not curious about learning new things, new perspectives, and exploring this amazing world we live in: then what even is this all about?
Scuba
moooist
it was important for me. i needed a partner near my own wavelength. a person who could challenge me…someone who can see through my bullshit
My husband would not describe himself as smart, but I think it’s probably because he never cared enough about school. He is pretty book smart and has a huge vocabulary in both his native and second language (his second is English, my native, and it’s fucking nuts to me that he’s got a wider English vocabulary than 70% of the kids I went to high school with), but he was just never into academia.
He is significantly smarter than he realizes though. He remembers every good tip or life hack he comes across, so he’s got a wide range of perfected methods for cutting onions, hanging pictures, keeping your place organized, etc.
He’s also very observant about me, to the degree that he literally knows me better than I know myself (I’m autistic and masked well my entire life until I immigrated to a new country and could really get weird without anyone stopping me). I tend to not care about things being right for me as long as they’re not wrong wrong. He’s noticed foods I don’t really like, routines I’m not aware of, and he is stupid good at turning me on (I tried lots of different phrasings here, I’m sorry it still sounds ick).
He DMs in dnd, and he’s so good at it. I tried dming once and realized that it was the equivalent of using your weekends to train for a marathon vs doing beer league soccer (dming vs being a PC). I just don’t want to work that hard while having fun. He has no issue keeping track of dozens of plot hooks or stat blocks and he incorporates new information from the PCs into his story as he goes. I don’t think it’s possible to be a really good DM without being smart (or at least about as smart as the players, and we’ve played with some pretty smart people and with kids, who are wayyy more creative/hard to predict than adults).
I want to go on, but at some point, he’d feel like this is TMI, so I’ll stop now.
I always looked for partners who were academically talented first (well, first for intelligence, I do think kindness is more important), and I’m so glad I was open to people who don’t make that their whole shtick, because I don’t deserve a husband this wonderful.
is he single?
Fun fact…no.
It has always been the most important. Now I’m gonna say something that usually results in people telling me I’m arrogant and sincerely this isn’t arrogance it’s just fact: I’m extremely intelligent. And I could not really have a spouse who wasn’t. When my wife and I met we both found such relief because we both feel this way. She’s highly intelligent and that was the most attractive quality to me.
I recognize though that it’s not the only quality of merit. She’s also extremely kind and loving and supporting, and independent of intelligence those too are extremely attractive and praiseworthy. I guess really I wish everyone could simply find a person who they are attracted to in many many respects. That’s the best foundation I think.
I’m extremely intelligent.
If you feel the need to say it, you probably aren’t as intelligent as you think you are.
Eh, it’s a largely anonymous internet forum. No one could possibly know from reading a single comment, nor does it exactly afford bragging rights.
True intelligence is knowing how stupid you are. -Socrates
Intelligence vs wisdom… he may have the one, but probably not the other.
…what? How do you expect them to demonstrate their intelligence within the span of a single comment, without telling you? This “comeback” doesn’t work if their intelligence constitutes actually relevant context.
They don’t need to prove their intelligence, but this entire line just throws off “but awkshully” vibes of someone who thinks too highly of themselves. Bolding mine.
Now I’m gonna say something that usually results in people telling me I’m arrogant and sincerely this isn’t arrogance it’s just fact: I’m extremely intelligent.
You know who brags about their intelligence enough to be told they are arrogant? Morons. Morons who think they are super smart do that.
If they left that one sentence out then the rest of their post as written would have made them look smart.
Mmh, I see what you mean. Fair enough!
There are so many different types of intelligence, and so many different ways of judging them. Someone’s intelligence can vary so much even on a day to day basis based on if they get enough sleep, their blood sugar, stress levels, hormones, health issues, distractions, etc etc. I used to put SO MUCH stock in intelligence but as I’ve gotten wiser I’ve realized it doesn’t matter if they can solve math problems quickly or have a big vocabulary or specialized in a niche field of science or got an advanced degree etc etc. I learned that as long as a partner is good at problem solving and makes good decisions, none of the rest matters. Are the decisions they are making consistently making their and other’s lives better? Are they able to tackle hurdles when they come between them and their goals? If the other pieces of compatibility are there then that’s really all that’s important.
Not nearly as important as ethics.
Agreed, I’ve been tied to train tracks and having someone decide whether the trolley hits me or two construction workers can be important.
Common sense, maturity, humility, and curiosity are all extremely important to me in a partner. Whether my potential partner is book smart is significantly less important to me than whether they treat others with respect and wanting to improve themselves.
With the superficial stuff out of the way, the bottom line is that the thing that matters most is whether or not I want to spend my limited time with them.
Intelligence is important, but big muscle is importanter.
If everyday anomalies and unanswered questions don’t drive you a little batty, your willful ignorance will start to become annoying.
But we must be at ease with uncertainty as well! I argue this with my husband. You can’t possibly know everything, if you rush to assign some answer to every question you are just going to be wrong a lot.
To think about them and wonder, yes. To need to know everything? No. The fact that there is always more unanswered makes me happy, I am glad there is still mystery in the world.
Essential.
I don’t want to be close to people who: are unable to follow a simple reasoning, consistently assume things that they cannot reliably know, have an 8-or-80 mindset, or conflate their wishes with reality. Because people like this turn the lives of the ones around them into living hells.
Note: I’m talking about intelligence as “ability to reason”. I’m not talking about the set of knowledge that the person amassed over time, or ability to memorise stuff.
Extremely, stupid people are boring. Give me a 5/10 PhD student.
I wish you were more specific, there’s multiple types of intelligence.
Agreed. I need intelligence defined by OP since it means different things to different people.
Ex: you can be emotionally intelligent but as dumb as a billboard
Or super smart but emotionally cannot pick up on any emotions or physical needs.
Both of these are bad.
Yeah not only intelligent but a curious and inquisitive mind. I need someone fun to be with who will challenge me and have cool conversations with. If they’re not willing to learn new things then that’s pretty boring.
equally intelligent, just in a different field. this way, you can always learn from another, while never competing with knowledge. this also means you both need to be curious and interested about each others stuff, which is just as important as intelligence.
