Not necessarily. If she was an anxious attached style she’d be more likely to fall for avoidant men. She could either:
Now recognize the red flags of avoidants and not subject herself to that.
Be unaware of the red flags of avoidants and keep making the same mistake
Recently left a long term relationship as an secure individual and discover how many avoidants really exist.
Of course you are right, she could be avoidant to, in which case hopefully she’ll learn sooner rather than later that fearing intimacy and vulnerability is detrimental, and that healthy codependency is actually a thing. But it’s not easy for them to do so.
I don’t like to think that everyone is incapable of finding someone, people just need to figure out why. Pointing out “single for a reason” seems counterproductive and a bit disrespectful.
I think “single for a reason” is what all that attachment theory shit is trying to help contextualize. It specifically sets the context as “single for a fixable reason” if you have the courage and humility to do the work.
I suppose I didn’t consider the act of an anxious attached falling for the avoidant attached as that “reason” I sort of chalked that up to luck.
But your right, anxious attachment tends to end up with avoidant and the anxious attachment needs to learn how to desensitize to intense passion often given by avoidants.
The anxious attached individual has a lot of work to do in regards to understanding their personal value rather than their value to others, where the avoidant has immense work to do on the value of others and the value of themselves.
Not necessarily. If she was an anxious attached style she’d be more likely to fall for avoidant men. She could either:
Of course you are right, she could be avoidant to, in which case hopefully she’ll learn sooner rather than later that fearing intimacy and vulnerability is detrimental, and that healthy codependency is actually a thing. But it’s not easy for them to do so.
I don’t like to think that everyone is incapable of finding someone, people just need to figure out why. Pointing out “single for a reason” seems counterproductive and a bit disrespectful.
I think “single for a reason” is what all that attachment theory shit is trying to help contextualize. It specifically sets the context as “single for a fixable reason” if you have the courage and humility to do the work.
Is living in the forest because I’m afraid of the federal government a “fixable” reason?
That’s just being awesome…
:)
I suppose I didn’t consider the act of an anxious attached falling for the avoidant attached as that “reason” I sort of chalked that up to luck.
But your right, anxious attachment tends to end up with avoidant and the anxious attachment needs to learn how to desensitize to intense passion often given by avoidants.
The anxious attached individual has a lot of work to do in regards to understanding their personal value rather than their value to others, where the avoidant has immense work to do on the value of others and the value of themselves.