Personal background: I strongly feel just about everyone grows up and has something shitty about them. I know growing up I definitely thought and said some less-than-ideal jokes about women, minorities, etc. And while some of that was the proverbial ‘the times’, and some was growing up in a sheltered hyper Christian southern American conservative situation, I regret my actions and am happy I grew past that. And I do think people, especially younger, can grow past their shittiness, especially with the help of others, which was true for me too… When I got my first W2 job a superior I looked up to helped mold me into a better person by calling me out on things and modeling a better behavior.
Current situation: I’m now the supervisor position, have been for a decade (retail is a trap) and I’ve taken that to heart, calling out jokes that aren’t funny, etc. But recently we hired a new kid who acts really incel-ish, and who apparently has attached himself to me instantly. I’ve had moderate success so far just telling him his ‘lol women dumb’ jokes aren’t funny, and modeling how working with women is… normal? Anyways, I don’t wanna screw this up so do y’all have any suggestions for me to help keep him from going down an unfortunate path? I know at the end of the day I’m not responsible for others’ routes in life, but I feel we should all do our parts.
I think being clear that the behavior is wrong is good. I think framing it as a “you’re better than that” is better than just telling them it is unacceptable though. It helps to paint other people they hear that shit from as being pathetic and not who they should model their behavior after. Ok not sure how to do that in a practical sense but everytime someone has criticized my behavior with disappointment rather than anger it has left a stronger impact I think.
But I’ve never done this so I don’t know what’s best. Bare minimum is definitely not letting them get away with it. Make your disdain known. Don’t just distance yourself.
The disappointment approach is my jam! It’s what helped me turn things around, and it’s what has worked so far with this kid. I’m just calling it out here because this was way better worded than mine, and needs the ups so if anybody else is looking for ideas they know this one is great!