Okay then, you don’t hear about white bigots being secretly light-skinned black people. Pick whatever group you want. Queer people are the only one I can think of where it’s regularly claimed that the people bigoted against them are themselves the people they are bigoted against.

That first one is paywalled, but I found it here: https://archive.ph/DwLa8#selection-707.0-735.328

I also find their evidence quite spurious:

In four studies, the researchers looked at the discrepancies between what people say about their sexual orientation and their implicit sexual orientation based on a reaction-time test. The studies involved college students from Germany and the United States. For the implicit measure, students had to categorize words and pictures flashed onto a computer screen into “gay” or “straight” groups. Words included “gay,” “straight,” “homosexual” and “heterosexual,” while the pictures showed straight and gay couples. Before each trial, participants were primed with the word “me” or “others” flashed momentarily onto a computer screen. The researchers said quicker reaction time for “me” and “gay,” and a slower association of “me” with “straight” would indicate said an implicit gay orientation. [Why Gay Parents May Be the Best Parents]

In another experiment, the researchers measured implicit sexual orientation by having participants choose to browse same-sex or opposite-sex photos on a computer screen.

Questionnaires also teased out the parenting style the participants were exposed to, with students asked how much they agreed or disagreed with statements such as: “I felt controlled and pressured in certain ways;” and “I felt free to be who I am.” To gauge homophobia in a household, students responded to items such as, “It would be upsetting for my mom to find out she was alone with a lesbian” or “My dad avoids gay men whenever possible.”

Participants indicated their own level of homophobia, both overt and implicit; in word-completion tasks, students wrote down the first three words that came to mind when prompted with some of the words’ letters. Students were primed at some point with the word “gay” to see how that impacted the amount of aggressive words used.

For example, that last part measured impulsive reactions to things. Someone can have an impulsive negative reaction to the word ‘gay’ for many reasons and not be homophobic. If I’m raised by parents to hate queer people, even if I don’t, I may have an instant visceral reaction to those words (the article even talks about parenting).

I can say this in my own life- I was raised by a father who was fanatically pro-Israel. I often have an immediate reaction to a criticism of Israel despite my total lack of support for that nation because I spent 18 years being told Israel was the only thing standing between me and Auschwitz. It doesn’t matter that I know that isn’t true. In the spur of the moment, before I realize what my reaction is, I can’t control it. So yeah, if someone used that word on me and told me to instantly write down three words that come to mind, they might be very, very different than if they told me to wait even ten seconds before I wrote down my first word.

“You’re a grown fucking adult” and your anecdotal examples is not evidence that the majority of homophobes are queer.

I will keep asking this- is there any other oppressed group where you would claim the majority of the people oppressing them are of that group? Are the majority of antisemites Jews? Are a majority of ableists disabled? If not, why is it only queer people who are responsible for their own bigotry?

The point is, nobody believes they are all gay,

And yet, as I said, every single time someone says something homophobic in the media, the claim is that they’re closeted.

So I think people do believe that. They may not admit they believe it, but what else can be derived from that finger pointing every single time?