To start for anyone that may be concerned by the title, I’ve always considered myself an ally and I’ve supported both family and friends when they came out to me. I’ve always known that it takes a lot of trust for someone to come out like that, and I want to be the friend that they feel safe to talk with about that stuff.

I’m autistic, and I’ve recently started my journey of understanding that, my gender, and my sexuality. I’ve suspected since college that I was ace, and finally understood that about myself in the last few months. I made the first public message ever referring to myself as queer in a casual setting as a passing comment today which honestly felt a little strange, but already feels natural.

What I need help with understanding, is why should I actively tell my friends and family about it? The way I see it, I’ve always been this way and nothing will change in me between now and 10 seconds after I say something. I don’t think of it as hiding anything either, I think of it as me being me. Why do others feel the need to share with people close to them?

  • Lemminary@lemmy.world
    47·
    6 个月前

    Identifying yourself isn’t for them, it’s for you. If you think it’s pointless to do so, then it is.

    • rockSlayer@lemmy.worldOP
      18·
      6 个月前

      good point. Sometimes it’s easy to forget that the whole point of pride is to exist the way we want to, including how we interact with our identity

      • magnetosphere@fedia.io
        15·
        6 个月前

        Well-intentioned advice can come across the wrong way when the person giving it forgets this. There’s an assumption that not coming out is a sign of something negative, but that’s not necessarily true.

        • June
          2·
          5 个月前

          I’m very late to this comment, but I wanted to say I agree! I think part of it is a knee jerk reaction to the fact that it was (and unfortunately still is) dangerous for many people to out themselves and so they think you have to be out if it’s safe because being stuck in when you don’t want to be is bad. Completely forgetting that some people don’t have a desire to be out, and are happy just living their lives as is.

    • Eol@sh.itjust.works
      11·
      6 个月前

      I just cut ties with anyone that acts like I need to come out. It’s creepy especially because in my case it’s always naive straight people that are interested in my penises life. It’s like they want to live their gayness through other people. Its such a gross vibe they put out having such a an interest in my dick. In a way… It’s gayer than gay.

      I probably would have been more open if people weren’t creeps about it. It could have been natural but it’s all fucked up now.

      • magnetosphere@fedia.io
        4·
        6 个月前

        That’s invasive and insensitive of them. Ick. Have you ever told them that their behavior makes you uncomfortable, and why? If they’re naive but otherwise decent people, maybe they just need the problem explained to them, and they’ll knock it off once they understand.

        • Eol@sh.itjust.works
          3·
          6 个月前

          Most of them are of that mind set that you don’t need to do anything in life after you graduate highschool and pop a couple of kids out. Then there’s a select few who are highly intelligent in ways but have different values and traditions. I used to think people could connect off intelligence and “over-standing” but ever since 2020 it just feels like an active psychological civil war. It’s like raw human power is being wasted on ignoring the nature of natural humanity… Traded for the ungraspable idea of controlling the universe… In turn creating unbalance for the globe.

          • magnetosphere@fedia.io
            5·
            6 个月前

            I’m sorry to hear you’re in such a lousy situation. It seems like you’re handling things the best way you can, under the circumstances.

            • Eol@sh.itjust.works
              4·
              6 个月前

              Thanks. I’m trying. I can’t help but feel learning and growth from it. I just hope the situation goes away soon.