To start for anyone that may be concerned by the title, I’ve always considered myself an ally and I’ve supported both family and friends when they came out to me. I’ve always known that it takes a lot of trust for someone to come out like that, and I want to be the friend that they feel safe to talk with about that stuff.
I’m autistic, and I’ve recently started my journey of understanding that, my gender, and my sexuality. I’ve suspected since college that I was ace, and finally understood that about myself in the last few months. I made the first public message ever referring to myself as queer in a casual setting as a passing comment today which honestly felt a little strange, but already feels natural.
What I need help with understanding, is why should I actively tell my friends and family about it? The way I see it, I’ve always been this way and nothing will change in me between now and 10 seconds after I say something. I don’t think of it as hiding anything either, I think of it as me being me. Why do others feel the need to share with people close to them?
Well-intentioned advice can come across the wrong way when the person giving it forgets this. There’s an assumption that not coming out is a sign of something negative, but that’s not necessarily true.
I’m very late to this comment, but I wanted to say I agree! I think part of it is a knee jerk reaction to the fact that it was (and unfortunately still is) dangerous for many people to out themselves and so they think you have to be out if it’s safe because being stuck in when you don’t want to be is bad. Completely forgetting that some people don’t have a desire to be out, and are happy just living their lives as is.