I’ll posit a (very poorly and drunkenly abridged) story from the Buddha that I actually think of on a somewhat daily basis, in contrast of all the Buddha-bad comments:
A man approaches the Buddha in the city. He says to him, “I hate you Buddha, you are always telling people how to live their lives and what they need to do to be happy, how can you have all the answers?”
The Buddha says, “I will ask you a question. If I give you a gift, would you accept it?”
The man says of course he would not.
The Buddha asks, “If you do not accept my gift, then to whom does my gift belong?”
The man says, “The gift belongs to you, because I did not accept it.”
The Buddha replies, “Then I treat your hatred as a gift. You offer me anger, and I do not accept it; therefore, your hatred and anger belongs only to you, and only you may suffer it’s consequences.”
So when people get angry at me over things that are beyond my control, I reject their anger, let them yell at what they think is the problem, and move on.
Then the Buddha punches me in the face and I am enlightened.
I don’t accept buddhas punch
I don’t accept the IRS’s gift
Reject gifts from a demigod, in this economy???
this wasnt an explaining answer in any way to the guy Buddha is just an ass
I don’t think he asks that question in the original story. Drunk me was just giving him more dialogue.
oh well drunk yous budda is an ass (not you tho you seem preety alr)
An understanding of Internal vs External locus of control coupled with thick skin will get you pretty much as far as you want to in life.
A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog stand. The vendor says “what would you like on your dog buddy?” The monk thinks for a moment and then says “make me one with everything”
The hot dog vendor says that will be $7.50. The monkey hands the vendor a $10 bill, which the vendor puts in the cash drawer. After a moment the monk asks “what about my change?” The vendor bows reverently and responds “change must come from within.”
Not about to be swindled, the monk the pulls a gun from within his robe. “What’s that?!” the startled vendor asks. “Ah,” replies the monk, “this is my inner piece.”
I’m imagining the monk played by Samuel L. Jackson
Not enough mother fuckers.
Some Xavier tier writing in here
The monk pulls out a gun and points it at the hot dog vendor.
The hot dog vendor exclaims “Whoa, whoa, whoa, I thought you guys were all about inner peace and stuff?”
The monk replies “this is my inner piece”
So if a monkey pays for your hot dog, always round up to the next $10 increment for charity.
deleted by creator
The Dalai Lama didn’t get it
It’s because he changed it to a pizza shop. If he had said “hot dog stand” that old man would have been ROLLING with laughter!
This is the single best Buddhism joke ever created.
A monk told Joshu, “I have just entered the monastery. Please teach me.”
Joshu asked, “Have you eaten your rice porridge?
The monk replied, “I have eaten.”
Joshu said, “Then you had better wash your bowl.”
At that moment the monk was enlightened.
The moral of the story: do your fuckin dishes you dirty slob
Why don’t Buddhists vacuum the small spaces of rooms? Because they have no attachments.
If you immediately know the candlelight is fire, then the meal is already cooked.
- Oma Desala
- Wayne Gretsky
- Jaffa Kree
- Wayne Gretsky
Use \ to prevent the dashes from turning into lists. This:
\-Ends up like this:
-
Shel nak shak lotaur sha’ret.
- Oma Desala
Metaphysics is a blind man in a dark room trying to find a black cat that isn’t there. Religion is the man shouting “I found it!” So yeah, none of it makes any sense.
In my experience, metaphysics is more like being in a dark room that you are certain is empty, feeling a black cat run across your leg once, and then spending a lifetime trying to make it happen again.
Buddhism is several millennia old proto-therapy. I’ve found much wisdom in a variety of koans even though I’m not Buddhist. But if koans don’t work on you then yeah I bet they’re real annoying
Cheese and meat. Why even ask?
Idiot anon thinks Buddhist fuckery is aimed solely at white people lol
