SO many math tests where I gave 100 % correct answers but only made the first 60 %. I didn’t even know this was related. Maybe the teachers should have investigated this further. Because it’s odd, isn’t it? If I were just bad at math, I’d either make many mistakes, or cherry-pick parts of the tests that I can do. But not do the first 60 % and then stop due to time running out. They should also have gotten the hint when they could always ask me something in class and I would know.

This went on at university (which I never finished) and certifications (still passed, because they typically have passing scores of 50 - 70 %).

Thanks! For my kid, I gamify it up a notch: His life works on “quests” such as 10 minute room cleaning, letter to a grandparent, 10 minute reading, homework etc., for which he gains loot boxes. Those are little physical boxes containing a made-up currency and other small rewards such as candy, 5 cents - $ 1 real money (his only way to get allowance!), stickers etc. The made-up currency can buy prices such as puzzles, books, toys. About 2 - 3 times per year, there is a legendary coin in it which can be traded for a huge price worth $ 50 - $ 100.

Not sure if saving him or messing up his reward system, but the stuff gets done and he’s doing great!

Chaining dozens of coping methods together helps a little bit, including:

• strictly working with lists. When I do it and it’s not on the list & checked off, it doesn’t count as done. What’s not on the list doesn’t get done
• implementation intention: Since my brain refuses “must do now” situations, use a trigger like: “If it’s not done by 8 p.m., work on it with a stopwatch for 15 minutes”
• for the list, turn everything into a module. Instead of “do the kitchen”, have subitems like “collect all garbage”, “sort by food / non-food”, “clean surface 1/2/3/floor”. For studying & work, a module is always 25 or 50 minutes of full focus, no distractions. When I have to get up to get water or pee, it counts as failed and is not checked off

Yay, life on hard mode.

Take into account that Modafinil is very unsafe in combination with many other drugs, such as all benzos. I don’t know how much time you need to be safe, but I’d wait at least a whole day (48 hours after taking Modafinil) before using something that is definitely unsafe with it.

Did you also get it through a EU prescription from a semi-shady, but legal site?

The splitting advice is correct in theory; it can become instant-release and thus briefly stronger, even dangerous. But in this case I trust my belief over science that trying 1 % - 5 % first is always the safer option. Splitting a slow-release by 50 % - that might cause this problem, yes.

There is also the theoretical possibility that the active component(s) are not evenly distributed. Even a split marker is supposedly not safe, only instructions that say so. But - doubt

I can see it

Interesting, I’m also like that with many meds. Currently using Modafinil, and it’s the same there. 1/4 or 1/2 was the right dose for me initially, now I can take a whole one. Supposed dose is two whole ones, always, from the start.

Many meds come with an insanely high dosage. The worst is Venlafaxine - the smallest dose give many people a terrifying inner pain that lasts for a long time, easily the worst day of your entire year. Against all recommendations, I now start with like 5 - 10 % of any new stuff, and only if that has no effect at all, I go for like 50 %. With Modafinil, that method proved already quite daring.

What’s your experience with Modafinil? I find that it works pretty well, but I am working on getting alternatives to try soon.

I also felt bad about it for a while. I’m a scientist by heart, 100 %, and I knew I had the intellect to get a degree. I thought the reason why I didn’t anyway was because I was also some kind of assclown.

Fortunately, my degree attempt coincided with a useful obsession, for a change: My old programming hobby. The obsession ended like all the others, but the knowledge that stuck from going 14 hours per day was enough to get food on the table for decades to come.

It’s just now that I realise I never was an assclown, and I never “decided” to quit my degree. It was ADHD, and I never stood a chance, not with “discipline” or just “deciding” alone. Knowing it, with treatment plus self-acquired methods & tricks, it would have been an option back then, and maybe I’ll go for it again, if time allows.

Pushing yourself is good, but it needs to be a “relative” push based on your ability. Could be 5 hours of hard studying / cleaning / whatever for some. For others, or the same person on a different day, getting one bag of garbage and filling it, or studying 25 minutes is already the best.

Your post is a good start to collect ideas for moving forward, at your own pace. It won’t be easy, but your situation is objectively not as bad as it feels to you. Maybe it can be a small step towards improving your condition?

Currently using Modafinil, which is rather bad on side effects and risks, hoping for an upgrade next month. So I had to work with that.

The Plan: Use it on about 50 days per year, and make them count. E. g. not on days full with unproductive meetings, but when I have a clear task and time to execute it. A task with high visibility. It’ll look to others as if I were rolling 200 days like that.

The only way I can picture this: Face the talker, lean forward at the hip joint as far as balance allows, rotate both arms like V-22 Osprey propellers, mouth wide open without making a sound.

Why must I be a Jar Jar type? Why can’t I be a Doc Brown ADHD type?

Reminds me of this “Life and times of Tim” episode where he just wants to buy some weed, and he knows a guy already, but it turns into this insane circus where he has to watch bad alternative theatre for hours, and one wrong comment about it cancels the whole deal: https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x3bop1d

Stimulants having a calming effect is not an absolute must with ADHD.

I can only recommend to keep going for an official diagnosis & treatment. It’s the single best use of your time. Cheapest, even free, is the way from a psychiatrist, with a referral. But you probably noticed that it’s nearly impossible to find one.

Very nice and completely remote is GAM medical, but it’s not paid for by GKV. I got the impression that it’s pretty thorough and responsible. Not fast though; if you start now, it would still take months to get a prescription, if necessary.

Quite shady and only technically legal are sites like expressdoktor.com. They take advantage of the fact that any EU doctor can write a prescription that works in any other EU pharmacy. It works more like a webshop, pretending to include a doctor consultation, and it is certainly not safe. Especially the only ADHD drug they have, Modafinil, would require a thorough consideration and check-up when used for ADHD, because it has significant risks. It’s the fastest way, but I don’t recommend it.

Absolutely, I mean, we should still do our personal best when it comes to important tasks, but some days, our best feels like very little to nothing.

I already try to work with lists and break down tasks into smaller tasks, but that can lead to 30 items per week. If it’s going really great, I do 25. But among the 5 failed tasks could be something really important, like a last deadline for a bill before it goes to court, tax filing before thousands are lost, even watering a flower etc. To others, it may appear like I achieved nothing, but honestly I’m already happy it went that way and some stuff got done.

Funny thing is that this is the ONE ADHD thing I don’t have. My trick: Super-panic about being late.

The broader strategy is that I set an exact time that triggers the “panic mode”. So for example when I need to take a 3 day trip, I put my open suitcase in the middle of the room and fill it only casually as is convenient, starting days before. Hours before departure, I’m putting what is still missing in, but very relaxed, and do other things such as shower, eat, whatever needs to be done. But like 20 minutes before departure, the “panic mode” is triggered. Whatever is still missing then is done with maximum stress, only absolute show-stoppers, no optionals, complete panic the whole time.

Knowing that panic mode is still there to help last minute, allows me to do the entire thing very relaxed.

What can really work well is an ambient background noise, such as the TNG engine ambient noise or whatever you are into (SWTOR station ambient, …), wind, ocean.

The trick then is to put it on exactly when the focussed studying starts, and to turn it off abruptly when you (have to) interrupt, e. g. for phone, door, water.

That prevents you from the half-assed “I’m technically working right now” when you are really not.

Even after I became aware that I have ADHD in my 40s, additional years were still wasted after not getting treatment, with lost jobs, money etc.

Sitting on a referral from the GP for 18 months now, and they don’t even give me an appointment in a distant future. The only thing that worked for me in my 20s: Set the bar low enough. Stop “planning” to study for 3 hours “tomorrow”, or half-assing 2 hours while a video plays, you are on the phone and get coffee 5 times. Instead, admit that you’ll only get 25 minutes in. But do them today, completely focussed, no distractions, not even getting water, no toilet break etc.

Think of it like squid game. The team that gets the best test score after 25 minutes studying lives. You’d rather pee in your pants than to get up and certainly wouldn’t check your phone.

Worked for me, can’t say if it will for you.

I use plain old mindmaps for many things. When they are related to tasks and todos, I use a tool where it has little checkmarks, possibly completion progress bars, failed-icons, blocker-icons etc.

For understanding a topic, e. g. from a textbook or a job problem, hand-drawn works better with the additional freedoms it provides, such as this one: https://www.uni-frankfurt.de/53571999/Mindmapping

It fits in nicely with how I work through a text:

• Think about what I want to get out of this
• Flip through & glance over everything. Whatever draws my personal attention, be it drawings, graphs, tables, the headers - different for everybody. Might occasionally look at one of those things for a bit longer.
• Read the TOC
• Do the actual reading start to end and draw a mindmap
• Possible do-over the mindmap once I understand where I did it “wrong” due to my previous assumption of how things categorise and relate

Is that also related to ADHD? Mind blown, because that is one of my defining weaknesses, and always has been!

tl;dr: software developer

Software developer. Unable to thrive at school or university, I had phases ever since I had a PC where I self-improved with more or less intensity. A few years where I had neither energy nor motivation, but discipline to do a little bit most days. Just a solid hobby-level.

Then out of nowhere It became an obsession for 5 years, like it usually does for a substance or gaming addiction. Just wake up, immediately study, trying to get everything perfect, to understand all the competing approaches and their reasons to every problem, only sleep when I can’t keep my eyes open.

Finding mentors online, big names in their niche. Most people think that these people are annoyed from hundreds of “fans” who want to learn, but actually, that rarely happens, and when they see how much effort you put in, they are happy to help. One day, the phase ended as quickly as it had started. But I still had the knowledge.

That was 20 years ago. Much of the stuff from back then is still relevant, but there are the massive changes to web clients, and there are “clouds”. In relation to relevant frameworks and standards, I’m far less skilled now, but I have two decades of reference projects which make me LOOK better.

A problem is that working away from home really doesn’t work for me, thus having to refuse > 95 % of offers (they just come, I don’t apply). But since 2020, that is no longer an issue.