I need help. I’m completely socially isolated and inept. I have been for the majority of my life. I’m in my late 20s now and I’ve never had a friend, or any kind of relationship. I feel I’m too depressed to begin extraciting myself from this deep chasm I’ve drifted into now. I work as much as I can, never turning down a shift, but if I’m not at work I sleep or lay on the floor at home, crippled. No energy or motivation to do anything, even eat. Work is my only chance to socialise. I’m grateful my coworkers are nice to me, and they’re the only good thing in my life. I’m far more attached to them than they are to me. They’re not friends. They just put up with me.
I can’t do this anymore. I’ve sold all my possessions of any value, and I’m ready to go. I’ve already attempted suicide and ended up in the psych ward before. I don’t know how to form relationships. I’m too fucked up. I want friends, but what do friends do? How do you know if someone’s your friend? I’ve been isolated for so long I don’t know how to be with others. I’m past the physical symptoms of social anxiety. I used to shake, sweat profusely, stammer, feel like my clothes were choking me, etc., but now I’m just numb all the time. My mind still goes blank when I attempt to converse though.
I’m miserable and repulsive. I know that. No one wants to be around people like me, but I can’t fix this alone. I don’t know how to fix this. I’m too ashamed. I can’t face people.
as others already suggested i think therapy is probably very helpful. but ill try to give another input. do you have any chance to engage in something social? like family functions or some coworkers party you would be invited to? maybe it could be nice to go. it doesnt need to be a big commitment. you can leave early i f you feel bad. but in my experiences this is the first step one can do. and ofc you wont become friends with people there instantly. but the more you are around people, the more those people will like you, in my experience. i was able to make a friend from just beeing at some queer meet ups were that person happened to be aswell. that leads me to the second tip i have, maybe you could find community in hobbys or the like. i find it hard to meet up in real life but shareing my drawings and connect with other beginner artists online was really fun for me. i am not even good. but it doesnt matter ^^ thats why i like reddit/lemmy and the like. i can find a community i find intersting and participate. and after some while i start to recognize the usernames.
i wish you all the best. i absolutly know how hopeless things can seem especially after such a long time. i was once in a similar spot. to you. but even now things can still turn around. there are so many people out there, a bunch of them would love to have you there and eventually to be your friend. the biggest border i had was makeing myself aviable for others, by beeing in public at events or in communitys.
My whole live I’ve been ignored. No one wants me around. It’s delussional to think otherwise at this point. I know people will cling to ‘hope’ (more accurately described as a dellusion), but it’s expensive, and at the end of the day it’s not real. This isn’t a disease you recover from. It’s a flaw in your personality. An unadvantagouse evolutionry shuffle. Better to not drag it out. Things don’t get better.