Highly recommend reading the article, as you may find that it articulates your experiences well. Below is my commentary:

“If your brain is wired for one kind of gonadal hormones (such as testosterone) and your body produces the other hormone (such as estradiol), this can result in a biochemical malfunction within your brain chemistry. This produces a sort of brain fog: a reduction in mental capacity and a general state of anxiety and unease. This is the source of the first two symptoms that often alleviate with medical hormonal therapy: depersonalization and derealization (DPDR).”

I experienced exactly this, and yet it is not often talked about. I didn’t know what was going on. Sure, it was gender dysphoria, but it seeps into many faucets of life that appear unrelated at first glance.

“Sometimes you will hear naysayers suggesting that taking hormone therapy always improves mental health. I heard this myself when I came out to my mother. “Estrogen makes everyone happier.” This is flat out false. When cis people are put on cross-hormone therapy it always results in dysphoria. This is one reason why Spironolactone is rarely ever prescribed to men, because the anti-androgen factor causes mental instability. Five to ten percent of cis women suffer from polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), a condition which causes the ovaries to produce testosterone instead of estrogen. Ask any one of them how their mental health has been, and they will give you an earful.”

I had to take an estrogen based medication due to a medical condition for a while, and I had horrible side effects in the first two weeks. My brain was in a fog, depression significantly worsened, and I wanted to do absolutely nothing all day. I had these symptoms since first puberty, and they varied depending on the time of the month, but with the synthetic estrogen I was taking I felt an immediate difference. I swore up and down for years that I could “feel” estrogen levels depending on the phase of my monthly cycle (it was a shitty feeling), and nobody believed me. Taking that medication felt exactly the same, meaning I was right.

Eventually, it all evened out as my body adapted to the levels, and my body was back to “normal” again.

Normal was a constant cloud of depression, anxiety, and a feeling of a heavy weight on my brain. I have been on about a dozen anti depressants since first puberty, and none of them made a significant difference in my life.

I started testosterone about a month ago. Within two weeks my brain felt like that weight was lifted off of it, and my depression nearly evaporated (though now I am more aware of how much anxiety I have. That hasn’t changed much.). I feel normal for the first time since childhood. I get sad sometimes, I get mad sometimes, all that stuff, but that cloud that used to hang over my head is gone. After a month of testosterone, nearly a decade of that constant cloud evaporated.

I am a firm believer in the theory that some brains are wired for specific hormones. My experience is proof of that. Testosterone did what years of antidepressants couldn’t. It’s not a cure-all and I still have my own problems, but it is a significant improvement from before. Biochemical dysphoria needs to be more widely discussed in the trans community.

I posted about my experience on the FTM community, but I am curious to hear from as many people as possible about their experiences with this.