Fuck, I can’t even get a hug or affection from my SO without cringing sometimes because I wasn’t really hugged as a kid
My family gave me zero physical contact or attention. And my dad actually did the whole “men don’t cry” or other toxic traits.
My wife spent years ensuring I get hugged three times a day. And only after like a decade of marriage did I finally feel comfortable with her hugs.
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Sometimes I get hugged and I feel like someone is exploiting my need for affection so I immediately reject it. I am not normal.
I work with a lot of 20-30yo and give them compliments like “Hey you did a great job” and in that first few months, they always respond negatively.
It takes a while but I continue showing them care and affection, until they break out of their shell, which makes me happy. Because in all the toxicity of everything around us, I try to at least make work a pleasant experience.
The first one.
Next level:
Knowing times when you absolutely need a hug and, since your SO tells you that they want affection, you go get one; only to leave the ordeal not feeling any better at all.
Maybe the SO does? sigh
Anyone looking for more information can find this as emotional neglect. There are a few books on it, I recommend Running on Empty by Jonice Webb
The second one.
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It is arguably ‘normal’ in our society to have at least one emotionally unavailable parent. But that doesn’t make it any less sad.
