It’s been almost 8 months since I graduated Uni. No one wants to hire a student with no experience. Been living in my parents basement for all that time. Been working nearly every single day trying to better myself for a job to no avail. Been drowning in debt for nearly 10 years. Mom hasn’t been able to work due to health problems. Dad just diagnosed with the worst possible disease you can think about so he can’t work. It all falls to me to work. Family had to resort to a social assistance to pay the basics requirement for bills. Owe Sister and aunts money. All my friends have moved away or too busy to talk or do anything. Last meaningful relationship, which entails just talking and doing nothing more, was about 5 years ago. And no matter what I do, who I turn to for help, how much I kill myself trying to get a job, how much I try to better this situation, it all ends up with another rejection email, another message left on read, another email with no response, and more debt that I can never repay back.
Yeah, I get why villains want to destroy the world in movies. The world sucks, everyone sucks, there’s no good people in this world. Miracles don’t exist, dreams are just imaginary, everyone doesn’t care about you or what you’re going through.
And like everything else I’ve tried doing to help, this won’t get any attention. It seems like the universe forgot I existed or just made me to torment me. Because it just seems that I’m just a shadow in a dark place.
Forgotten and alone.
Start making up job experience on your resume, then say it’s not OK to contact your previous employer.
It’s not using a “frickin laser beam” to blow up the world, but a lie to improve your chances of getting a job, justified in my opinion.
Even if you get caught for lying after the fact, now you DO have “previous job experience” that you would not like new employers to contact…
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Hey man, (or lady, or whatever,) I won’t lie to you or try give you life tips because I’m sure you’re up to your eyes with that. But I will say: life is a bitch. It really just is a bitch. That being said, I’d argue there are still good people in the world, but they’re hard to find because being nice is very often not rewarded in modern consumer societies; hell, sometimes it’s even tacitly punished.
I know this probably doesn’t really help, but for what it’s worth, I’ve been in a similar situation…just minus the parental health problems (knock on wood). So while I can’t fully get it, I do to some extent. And if I can get through it, so can you because frankly, I am an idiot.
Sending you love; I hope things can turn around for you soon.
I see you friend. I see your struggle.
It’s hard out there. Keep trucking along for yours and your family’s sake.
I’m rooting for you for things to get better.
God speed.
I sometimes think if an asteroid were to hit Earth or a zombie plague were to ravage, I wouldn’t really care. Sure, I’d be scared shitless, but at least then I wouldn’t have to worry about bills. Wouldn’t have to worry about getting a job. All I have to do is keep myself and my family alive.
I’ve felt this way quite often in my life, including recently, and I usually get through it by focusing on the small moments that I can enjoy. But reading your words and thinking about that feeling again this time made me think “I should do a random act of kindness for someone”. It sounds cheesy and kinda pointless, but helping someone else or doing a random nice thing for someone else can sometimes make the world seem like a better place. And when the world seems like a better place, it has the potential to become that. I guess it’s the old “be the change you want to see in the world” thing.
This is all stuff people have told me over the years when I’ve sought help for depression, and I usually brushed it off, to be honest. But I empathize with your words, and I wouldn’t want anyone else to feel the hopelessness about the world that I’ve felt, so I thought “maybe a niceness would prevent that feeling for someone else”.
Idk, I’m rambling now, but I hope this makes sense. And I hope you (and I) find a way to feel better about the potential of our world, as opposed to its apparent current state.
Random acts of kindness are the best
Sorry to hear of it Monster. If it helps, I was in your situation before and am doing better now. If it doesn’t, I hope you can find something to keep you going.
Much love.
“Mad? Mad?! I’m not mad! Maybe a little angry…”
I feel you though. It’s why Ænima is one of my top played songs on Spotify recently. I wanna flush it all away…
learn to swim!
@pensivepangolin @Kolanaki Completely out of context, but I can’t swim, and since the world will be an ocean soon, it’s a must.
Even I beforehand, before I took on my first day at college some months ago, realized how crapsack (for lack of a better term) the world actually is, especially for neurodivergent young adults like me, and how many others in my age range would rather go hikokomori and focus on doing their own creative thing rather than serve the uninspired and haughty. Some deal with unbridled anger, others with anguish, others with keeping a false positive façade, while others try to keep it neutral and normal under the hood…
Maybe that’s why one of my recent favorite tracks nowadays comes from the OMORI OST, that being “It Means Everything”. Alongside Derivakat’s newest EP yet, they convey what it means to be both confused and so distraught with anger from all the hardships we face in our later teenage stage of life, including the ever-increasing “I-don’t-care-about-everything-anymore” attitude prevalent amongst teenagers and YAs, especially with troubled childhoods and broken friendships.
I can certainly get why you feel that way. It doesn’t help that people only show and talk about the cheery aspects of life. School in general tries to sell you a fantasy world where you can do anything you set you mind to. There is a grain of truth in that statement but for most people that is bullshit.
As far as wanting to destroy the world, it helps to remember that most people are just muddling through life the same as you. They don’t necessarily like it anymore than you. They are just trying to make the best of the hand they have been dealt with.
I agree that people largely suck, but it doesn’t help anyone to criticize them, all it will accomplish is making them defensive/angry. Instead I try to give them real heartfelt praise or compliments. It usually has the effect of cheering each other up and making you both happier. Sharing real appreciation is such a rare act that it is a wonderful surprise when someone does.
Sorry, if I got too preachy there. I know sometimes you just need to vent your frustrations and advice is not really helpful. Regardless, I hope I helped you out a little bit.
Keep going, it’s all you can do. I also had a hard time right out of college and fast forward to now I’m doing quite well. You’re in a grinding phase with a shitty economy which doesn’t help. Keep going!
