Story time:

So I was having a rough patch and having one of those days where everything was just overwhelming. My anxiety was keyed up to eleven, I didn’t want to leave my room, but it was either do something or continue to spiral.

So I decided I was going to find something to eat. I decided to make a sandwich, but we were almost out of mayo. We get the Costco-sized mayonnaise, so it’s in this great big jar with a little mayo stuck to the sides.

Every little thing while I’m making this sandwich is setting me off, but I’m thinking, fuck it, I want mayo, so I have to reach my hand into the jar to get what’s left. And it just feels awful, like I’m getting a bit of mayo on my hands, I’m making a mess, but hey, I have the last of the mayo.

Finally, I have a knife-ful of mayo, and I’m ready to transfer it to my sandwich, and somehow I manage to drop it on the floor.

So I’m staring at this pile of ruined mayo, I’ve got mayo all over my hands, and it feels like a million thoughts go through at once, but the one that sticks out is, Well, can’t even make a sandwich, guess I should just kill myself. Something about that was just so absurd and I burst out laughing. Like, this sandwich absolutely ruined me, but it’s absurd that I would feel that upset about food, and I guess it put things back into perspective.

So anyway, after a good laugh/cry I wipe my hands off on the bread and have a sandwich. It was pretty mid, I give it a 3/5, but I definitely felt a lot better after eating

Exercise, socialise, mediate. Stay safe mate

gotta eat