First wish: all humans turn blue for 24 hours after masturbating
Second wish: reverse all human digestive tracts so food goes into anus and excretion comes out of mouth, trump style
Third wish: reproductive organs are all non functional for reproduction specifically and humans mate by doing The Polka for 6 consecutive hours.
Love, Satan
Third kind of makes the first one pointless. Unless that is, you consider doing the Polka by yourself masturbation.
You still feel horny urges, but baby can only be created via intense accordion action. It’d be a real blessing, the most effective form of contraceptive available.
“Blessing”. Weird Al would have his hands full pretty quickly.
Notice how I said reproduction specifically. You could still pleasure yourself. and yes solo polka would also count as masturbation
Do you masturbate to reproduce?
Shit damn. I can’t masturbate OR polka without turning blue? That really is diabolical.
Funnily enough, the third wish is actually one of the most positive things that can happen here.
Now people will fuck each other all day without having to worry about getting pregnant. No pills, no implants, no hormone. It’s just good ol’ pleasure now.
I’m blue, da ba dee da ba di
Final wish: Increase childhood cancer by 500%.
You sick fuck.
Take your up arrow.
Climate change solved?
Make every car moan when you start it
Have penis make very loud air raid siren alarm when slightly hard
Removed by mod
Make bedbugs immune to insecticides.
Bedbugs now fly.
Removed by mod
The time I had bedbugs we killed them with an ant’s insecticide. Looking up the active chemical found its banned in the US and the EU because it induce abortions and fetus malformation.
Yup, that’ll do it.
deleted by creator
flying bedbugs
service to humanking
T-thanks…
cancel update CANCEL UPDATE
So Nausicaä?
“All bugs are now the size of dogs.”
All yards become massive piles of dead dogs erupting everywhere from the ground.
“I’ma boutta singlehandedly bring the worldwide prices for gasoline and ammo up a cent.”
XKCD 2741 Alt Text: “I wish for everything in the world. All the people, money, trees, etc.” “Are you SURE you–” “And I want you to put it in my house.”
Third wish: raise avg world temp by 5C.
How do we know that’s not what happened to Trump?
He would have lost focus babbling halfway through his first wish and never reached a coherent request.
Accelerationism intensifies.
Give everyone tastebuds in their anus.
What if I put my tastebuds in someone else’s anus?
It’s 2023. Have you not done that yet?
Wouldn’t you like to know weatherboy
Wouldn’t you like to know weatherboy
I call that an average Saturday night
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Of course I know the taste buds in my colon (TBIMC) can never be cured, but my doctor told me that with proper diet and excercise and Poisantin, my TBIMC could be monitored, putting me in control of the size and sensitivity of the taste buds in my colon.
Third wish: we hit 2 degrees ten years ahead of schedule
