I’m very lonely and live thousands of kilometres from home, the only person I have in my daily life is one friend. lately he’s been pretty obsessed with this girl and we haven’t been talking so much because of it so I thought it would be the perfect time to through with it since I had a lot of alone time. I won’t go into detail about what happened next but I do recall coming-to and him knowing I was depressed and not hearing from me for days he had decided to check up on me and see how I’m doing. when I explained to him what happened he broke down into tears and it’s the only time I’ve seen him cry in the 7 years I’ve known him. I’m just shocked, I always wondered firsthand how people would feel if I did it and now I think I know. my family is really far away so they probably won’t ever know this happened but I just don’t know how to feel. I’m tired of feeling so much pain but I also take other emotions into account now, no antidepressants or therapists have ever been enough to heal the damage of a fucked up life. just don’t know how to feel.

  • girlthingEnglish
    2·
    4 days ago

    no antidepressants or therapists have ever been enough to heal the damage of a fucked up life

    I feel this… been through several at this point, didn’t really do much for me. I’d keep trying anyway, but I don’t have access right now, so I’m just trying a bunch of stuff to see what will stick.

    Right now I’m giving tonglen a shot. The hard part is getting myself to do it (hello, executive dysfunction!), but so far it seems to be helping a bit. (I recommend checking out that book either way, some interesting ideas in there)

    • AnotherFuture@sh.itjust.worksOPEnglish
      9·
      6 days ago

      thank you, I appreciate it. watching that video is a good idea, it’s made me more self aware before, maybe I’ll rewatch it every so often to lock in

      • ProbablyBaysean@lemmy.caEnglish
        4·
        5 days ago

        I have been thinking about further tips that have helped me. I have felt like my happiness set point has moved lower over time ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Well-being_contributing_factors ).

        I have tried the following interventions stabilizing sleep, exercise (focus on cardio and stretching), cognitive behavioral therapy (which backfired spectacularly), religious texts, pgarmaceuticals, and platitude/mantra meditation.

        Some insights that may help:

        • daily short religious text study is helpful. It has diminishing returns, so set a timer if you spend longer than 15 mins.
        • negative thoughts and experiences envelop like a blanket and affect every fiber of your personality. Attempting to do the opposite with platitudes is hard work (almost like flexing your abs before lifting something heavy), but doing so with thoughtful platitudes can make a positive self fulfilling prophesy.
        • platitudes used in this manner are most effective if used with purpose: what do you want right now that is difficult? Now I believe these platitudes that strengthen me because I want x!

        Good luck, I genuinely hope you feel better.

  • Hermit_Lailoken@lemmy.worldEnglish
    3·
    5 days ago

    Please try again with medications. They changed my life. If you are really resistant and if is legal where you are, maybe Spravato / ketamine will assist.