I’m looking for a job. I saw Alice works at ACME brick. Bob knows Alice. Bob and I used to work together. I asked Bob if he could introduce me to Alice so I can ask Alice 1) for help getting in touch with the hiring manager and 2) what the company culture is like. Bob said yes and I asked Alice my questions, with Bob CC’ed in the message.
This has seemed OK with most people. However Bob said my conversation with Alice seemed one sided and excessive and like I was taking advantage of him just to get to the hiring manager. I am, correctly, asking for help getting to the hiring manager, for inside info. I am not only asking that, but it is part of what I’m asking. I am also asking about company culture and advice when talking to the interviewer. Bob was very upset and I think I’ve burned that bridge.
Is this wrong, in general? Is it OK but not asking too often? Most people seemed to be OK with it, but I worry they were just being polite and I’ve been unknowingly pissing off my entire social life and hurting my chances at getting a job. (why yes, I do have anxiety and take meds.)
I don’t think so. I’m pretty up front about my goals. I messaged Bob and said that I am looking for a job and I want to ask Alice questions. Literally. “Could you introduce me or send my contact info over? I’d like to get an inside perspective about the work environment and ask more about the job.”
I then asked questions like “can you introduce me to the hiring manager or send my contact info their way? Additionally, what’s the work culture like? Are bosses on your case all the time or are they asking how they can help? Do people like working there or does everyone complain? What’s the work hours like?”
Soinds like Bob thought you were too direct and too fast in asking a lot of questions instead of ‘getting to know’ Alice or something along those lines by calling it one sided. That could be a valid complaint, since most people don’t want to be contacted for a list of specific questions that will have answers in their email history. They mostly want to volunteer what they are comfortable first and maybe answer follow up questions. Like I wouldn’t answer a question about ‘bosses being on everyone all the time’ or if coworkers complain all the time in an email.
Bob could also be wrong and making a huge deal out of nothing too. I’ve worked with a few people who assume the worst from and email exchange without actually talking to the people involved. But more likely you came on way too strong too fast and if you worded it that way in the email then your approach was too strong for someone you don’t know.