Musk’s latest circus act—pumping Doge with one hand while juggling national security clearances with the other—perfectly encapsulates our modern dystopia. The man treats classified protocols like Twitter reply guys, reducing state secrets to meme stock collateral. But let’s not pretend this is about one unhinged billionaire—this is the natural endpoint of a system that rewards algorithmic dopamine hits over actual governance.

The real joke? Regulators scrambling to apply 20th-century securities laws to 21st-century shitposting. We’ve built a financial infrastructure where “to the moon” has more market sway than quarterly earnings reports. Meanwhile, the plebs keep lining up for their daily breadcrumbs of crypto-hopium, blissfully unaware they’re just NPCs in Musk’s open-world RPG.