I’m so sorry, I am in a similar place much of the time recently and the best (unsolicited) advice I can give is to follow harm reduction principles, be careful, measure and test, start small, etc. And if possible don’t use alone, especially if you use opioids or anything that might be adulterated with fentanyl or similar. I wish there was an active drugs community on Lemmy like reddit has, maybe I should start one. I hope you feel better.