Currently I have a Free Talk Friday thread in mind and longer term would like to do Mental Health Mondays. I think Mental Health Monday should probably wait until I can put together some more resources and better guidelines for posting on mental health related topics (particularly content warnings), so don’t expect to see that in the immediate future. Other than those what else would you guys like to see?

  • valentinesmith
    3·
    1 year ago

    Free Talk Friday sounds nice to me - maybe even as @Lettuce mentioned with a leading question or a hook for engagement?

    Otherwise maybe a monthly media/book exchange, basically a more focused place to share what we have been reading, consuming or something that is relevant for us/masculinity?

    Thanks for asking though spaduf :)

      • valentinesmith
        2·
        1 year ago

        I’ve only now watched a few videos of oliSUNvia (I hope I spelled that right) - especially her popular video about how love is portrayed felt quite accurate to me. That the focus is usually that you are getting love and not how it is also a very active practice.

        Then I am still debating on what Bell Hooks Book I wanna give a spin.

        I also watched Arrival again. And thought about how it could be seen as a stoicist take on life that we have to embrace potential hurt and tragedy and be open for the unknown to blossom.

        Those would be my takeaways from August. How about you and thanks for asking :)

          • valentinesmith
            1·
            1 year ago

            Well I’ll go for that book then and might come back to you when I have read it! Sounds amazing that is has that effect on you - I’ve heard a lot of good stuff about Bell Hooks so it’s nice to get further confirmation :)

            Yes Arrival with the aliens from Dennis Villeneuve ( god I’m bad at speeeelling and rememberkng names)

            https://youtu.be/jcbEiZQ9B7o?si=Av-A4JNSkrWhoK-Q This was the video I watched from her. I’ve watched a lot of essayist going for an hour so I also liked her keeping it to half an hour :D

            What’s the thing that has been most affected of your stance on masculinity by her book would you say?

              • valentinesmith
                2·
                1 year ago

                Uh yes the social construction of meaning yes I totally see that view yes. Especially the sapir-whorf hypothesis as well with how you speak/what language you speak influences the way we can only make sense of our reality for sure!

                I think my interpretation came from the last few frames of Amy Adams really embraving her relationship with her future husband while prior learning that they were going to split up eventually but still embracing all the good that would be coming her way even though it is intermingled with grief and loss and frustration. To me (but I guess I just love being a tragic person? :D) that speaks to her opening up to life, to a message of: we have to be open for all to have a full life. Especially with the prior framing of Amy in her house being very calm, disconnected and uninterested in anything really. But I would say it’s only one perspective on the film, next time I rewatch it, I’ll think about your perspective more :)

                –

                I do think you answered the question quite well. I think yours is a perfect example how supposedly privileged men can struggle/suffer in a patriachial system and how we all have so many thing to relearn.

                Being in touch with my emotions has been a neverending experience for me as well, as well as articulating and sharing them with loved ones. I do hope your experience is getting better in that regard and that your wife sees how her rejection of your emotions is hurtful for you. Conversely, maybe when you find ways to express less extreme emotions you both have the opportunity to practice for the when the bigger emotions eventually come around again to be more aligned and feel more heard and validated by your partner.

                Start of this year I really had to grow and get better at telling people how I felt cuz I was rather depressive and it was really tough communicating in what ways I felt low and how I felt like my control was slipping away from me. For me it was sometimes easier to think of my emotions like a picture I describe to someone else. My typical example of how I experience fear for example is this feeling of bitter cold in my gut and this horrible silence that is giving me the acute sense of: we cannot think right now, because any second now your life will become a total desaster and I just freeze up and cannot think/feel/do anything else.

                You are making my days btw with these responses, it feels really nice to write with you. And now that I know you love Arrival, what are other movies that you really liked? :3