Like, cute clothes and jewellery is nice, but the price for it is living nearly a week in horrible pain every single fucking month for most of your fucking life, not knowing if it’s just your stupid womb or if you’re actually hungry, occasionally waking up in middle of the night and realizing there’s blood fucking everywhere, and every single morning I wake up and remember that the world is full of people who see me either as a walking fleshlight or a washing machine that can cook.
You can’t even be friendly to (some) men without them immediately jumping into the conclusion that you’re into them. Like, I was offering to lend you a pen, AND THAT DOES NOT FUCKING MEAN THAT I’M WILLING TO LET YOU BETWEEN MY LEGS!
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I’m sorry for all the pain you’re going through. You may already know the following but I’ll put it out there in case anyone else doesn’t:
In the medical world, women’s pain, especially period pain, is an egregiously underdiagnosed issue. From endometriosis, PCOS, cervical cancer, ectopic pregnancies, HPV, etc, women’s pain in that region has been so disturbingly normalized that it has been internalizing as ‘this is just something I have to live with’. If you are experiencing intense period pain compared to your peers (not your family, because some conditions are hereditary), do not stop looking for a doctor until you find one that will care enough to refer you to a gynecologist who will give two shits about it. For some women, the dismissal of female abdominal pain has become a death sentence because it can be such a wide range of issues.
If you have healthcare access, there are lots of ways to stop having periods or at the minimum treat amenorrhea and PMS. Birth control pills, implants, IUDs, gels, hormonal pills, supplements, chronic pain management, etc. The problem is that most doctors won’t take women seriously or believe their pain and don’t refer them to these options. You need to get medical staff to document that your doctor refused to treat your symptoms. Walk in to each appointment with a full proposal detailing what symptoms you would like treated, it’s history, and the systemic neglect you’ve experienced. I suffer from multiple chronic conditions, and that has been the only way to get doctors to take me seriously.
From what you described about severe period pain, hunger issues, large volumes of blood suddenly coming out, it sounded very similar to what I went through before my PCOS diagnosis. I have an IUD, take spironolactone, and take metformin now, and it’s been drastically better than when I treated it with just birth control pills. There isn’t a one size fits all solution for PCOS, so if it’s what you have, I hope you find something that works for you.
