I called some people I’m seeing partners, but got scolded by a friend because I guess partner means a relationship that’s more “serious”. My friend suggested calling them lovers.
I’m emotionally involved with all my people and I care about them. I just get an ick from labels and relationship ladders (abusive family).
I’m looking for a word that’s unassuming, but clearly says “I’m not single” so I can easily be honest with monogamous people.
Any suggestions? Lover sounds a little too much like cheating.
If you feel like partner is the right word, then I’d back you up on that.
Call them whatever you want. Your relationships your choice. There’s no need to gatekeep every little detail ffs.
Yeah, other people adding hierarchical connotations to what we call people we’re romantically involved with really rubs me the wrong way…so if some of what I say comes off as harsh, that’s why.
Use what you & the people you’re in a relationship with decide on…period. You decide what meaning(s) that word carries, and you’re the ones that have to live with this decision.
I’m sorry, but whoever scolds someone for choosing a certain word to call people they’re romantically involved with needs to back the f off.
Disclaimer: I am not at all a part of the polyamory scene, I just enjoy playing with words and this came up on my doomscroll.
Obviously you can call them whatever you want, whether that’s “Twigs” or “Divinities”, no one has a right to tell you what words you may and may not use.
But that’s obvious. The question you asked is what options are there, and that’s a funner question.
Thinking only a few moments I like “Connections” but expect anyone other than me would interpret that with a degree of sterility.
There’s “Friends with Benefits” or just “Hookups” but given the context, I think the word you’re looking for must be one that implies more intimacy and meaning.
“Companions” just sounds like a Firefly reference but maybe it could work for others who don’t make that association.
Fuck, I kind of like “Allies” but people will probably think you’re talking about a role playing game.
Hmmm if you expand it to two words you open options like “Heart Friends” or “Deep Friends” or “Full Friends”, I think that might strike people as really childishly poetic though.
A euphemistic and tongue-in-cheek name could be “Bed Friends”, that probably still carries the casual tone of “Fuck Buddy” though.
Something less explicit but perhaps with too much unintended meaning would be “Supports”. (Similar, “Pillars”)
Oooh ooh I like this one, “Muse” carries a pretty intimate tone, though “Muses” maybe carries a tone of superiority… hmm
The rabbit hole my thoughts have gone down now is suggesting a single word for the category of people-you-sleep-with-and-also-have-relationships-with may be the problem. If instead you determine a word for each of these people describing what you love/like them for / value them specially for. This is the edge of my understanding of the polyamorous experience though, I’m not sure if the experience is so defined as to be described as a love this person because they are such an Imp of a person but you love this person because they feel like a God/Goddess and this other person is better described as a Rascal. Hmmm I don’t like this avenue, this is basically the partners pet name but suggesting you use that word to describe your relationship to others in public is probably rarely appropriate.
My grandparents once asked me if I had any new “Squeezes”, I think that carries a sufficiently intimate tone?
I kind of like “Allies” but people will probably think you’re talking about a role playing game.
For the alliance!
partners makes sense, I’m confused as to why your friend is caught up on the word rather than being generally happy for your wellbeing
if your partners are ok with them being called partners than it doesn’t matter what other people think as they aren’t in an intimate relationship with you
people gatekeeping for the smallest of things is really a waste of time IMO
Partner is the word.
If your friend thinks there’s a better word, ask them what it is.
Consorts?
Partner can mean almost anything. It is a perfectly fine word to use.
Partner works. There are many different types of partners, like business partner, gaming partner, conversational partner, romantic partner, and sexual partner (with some possible overlaps of course)
Partner is great and is non-gendered (in English). You could also go for the classic or boyfriend / girlfriend or “I’m in a relationship” or significant other. They all work but you do you. If you feel like partner is best and you’re romantic interest is cool with that title - go for it.
We have always just used partner. Lover maybe, if it is a long term thing. If I am with community folk I am comfortable with, I’ll call them subs or good girl/boy. It’s honestly whatever creams your twinkie, friend.
I’ve used “date” for people I’m seeing but we haven’t had an explicit “what is the nature of our relationship?” conversation.
“I’ll bring my date Alex tomorrow”
“I’m dating two people, Alex and Ryan”
It can be a little clumsy in some cases but it has been helpful.
I once panicked introducing a friend and said “lover”. Don’t think I could have made everyone involved more awkward if I had tried.
I like primary. Secondary sounds like you’re ranking people however.
Let me know if you figure it out. Not that I’m participating any longer, but I am curious.
