When I can’t find another and run out of savings in a few months, that’s when Ill kill myself.
Honestly did a bit of a trial run last night, fastened a bag over my head and snuggled my stuffed animals on the couch to see what it would be like. It’s definitely something I can go through with if/when it comes to it. Taking other steps to make life less unbearable first, hence the title. I don’t really see my life ending any other way though tbh, just more of a question of when. If I’m lucky, it’ll be when the climate change induced famine prices me out of being able to eat and I chose not to starve. Anyways, sorry for making you read this. Fuck.
It really wasn’t bad. I got to the point where my vision started getting fuzzy before deciding to open the bag. I was able to keep calm and take slow breaths and relax. Went into it without actual intent to follow through, but wrote a quick note anyways, just in case I decided to go through with it or an accident happened. Though, I’ve been into autoerotic asphyxiation since I was an experimental teenager, so I have practice/it’s not mentally horrifying to me like it is to normal people. Don’t do breathplay often, because I don’t have anyone to do it with to keep me safe, but I’m almost past caring