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Flying Squid@lemmy.world to Atheism@lemmy.worldEnglish · 1 year ago

I wouldn't use either at this point...

lemmy.world

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I wouldn't use either at this point...

lemmy.world

Flying Squid@lemmy.world to Atheism@lemmy.worldEnglish · 1 year ago
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  • Coasting0942@reddthat.com
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    1 year ago

    Jesus will tell you where to find midget porn, then ask if you’re ok or want to hang out.

    • no banana@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      Is he going to bring the midget porn?

      • Coasting0942@reddthat.com
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        1 year ago

        And teach you how to use a VPN because some of his followers are still learning how to be kind.

  • midnight_puker@sh.itjust.works
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    1 year ago

    The main difference being that Google actually exists and will provide you with an answer.

    • nocturne@sopuli.xyz
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      1 year ago

      I have worked with several jesuses (jesuii?). They exist but were far from all knowing.

      • Flying Squid@lemmy.worldOP
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        1 year ago

        Are you sure? Maybe they just didn’t tell you stuff.

  • humorlessrepost@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    Jesus, being all-knowing, would direct you to Bing.

    • Flying Squid@lemmy.worldOP
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      1 year ago

      Hmm… between those two choices, maybe I should look into worshiping Satan.

      • prettybunnys@sh.itjust.worksBanned
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        1 year ago

        No. No. Satan would agree with Jesus on this one and reprimand you for not listening.

        Shiva might even show up and smack you with each hand.

        Bing video search

      • Uriel238 [all pronouns]
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        1 year ago

        Satan comes highly recommended. Satan gave us Rock and Roll, TTRPGs, bicycles and the notion of egalitarian government. Oh and the notion of civil rights.

        Jesus gave us Donald Trump and Brett Kavanaugh

  • cmoney@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    Maybe he knows where I can find porn with guys masturbating using the nail hole in their hand?

    • Addv4@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      Terrible day to have eyes.

  • Uriel238 [all pronouns]
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    1 year ago

    Jesus doesn’t have all the answers. The Riemann hypothesis waits in the wings. So does a solution for peace in the Middle East and the end of the humanitarian crises in Palestine.

    Then there’s a path out of late stage capitalism, and a solution to the climate crisis and plastic crisis. Both Jesus and Google are pretty silent on both.

    As for the rise of Christian Nationalism in the US, Jesus appears to be conflicted and having a personality breakdown. Same with Google, actually.

    • Halasham@dormi.zone
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      1 year ago

      TBF at least one of those has a known answer, it’s just a matter that the problem fundamentally is that those who can meaningfully influence the problem want the problem.

  • Panda (he/him)@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    1 year ago

    On the 7th day, God gave me weird fetishes. Thanks a lot.

    • LeroyJenkins@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      God gave me those on day 2

  • Halasham@dormi.zone
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    1 year ago

    How 'bout that I’ve never gotten no response from Google, or any search engine for that matter, and that is the only result I’ve gotten from Jesus?

    • OutlierBlue@lemmy.ca
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      1 year ago

      404: saviour not found

    • Flying Squid@lemmy.worldOP
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      1 year ago

      Jesus sends you midget porn?

      • FuglyDuck@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        You didn’t know that Marry Madeline was a midget?

      • Halasham@dormi.zone
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        1 year ago

        No. My statement is that I’ve yet to receive any kind of response to any inquiry directed toward Jesus while I have never been just wholly ignored by a search engine.

    • 🇰 🌀 🇱 🇦 🇳 🇦 🇰 🇮 🏆@yiffit.netBanned
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      1 year ago

      There used to be a game where you’d try and search Google to get the least results and I could very easily make it return nothing. lol

  • Diplomjodler@lemmy.world
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    But Jesus is supposed to be all-knowing. That should include midget porn, shouldn’t it?

    • NeptuneOrbit@lemmy.world
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      No one doubts Jesus knows where all the midget porn is. We just feel less judged asking Google.

      • Flying Squid@lemmy.worldOP
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        Jesus isn’t supposed to judge you unless you judge him, so you’d need to tell him where the midget porn is when he asks.

        • NeptuneOrbit@lemmy.world
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          1 year ago

          I always turn the other cheek and so do the midgets

          • Flying Squid@lemmy.worldOP
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            1 year ago

            Which cheek are we talking about here?

        • kromem@lemmy.world
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          1 year ago

          Jesus wouldn’t think midget porn was a big deal, and recognize it’s just a little fetish.

  • hardcoreufo@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    Yeah he never has the really dirty stuff.

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