Trying to keep my very picky eater 3yo healthy as we’re (hopefully) expanding his diet. Right now the only foods I can get him to actually eat are McDonald’s, a specific brand of yogurt, banana bread, some crackers and some bars. Refuses any beverage besides water. (He’s likely on the spectrum.)
I know you’ve thought of this, but encouraging you to try again. Ive found that kids will refuse something to eat and then come back to it later when they are actually hungry.
It may take a tantrum and crazy cry session, but with love and attention they can normalize and get back towards a more normal diet.
I get that kids have certain things they don’t like, but for anyone whose kids only eat things that are deep fry brown, I think it’s worth the short-term crisis to solve the long-term aggravation and health issues. Edit: ok yeah I missed the potential autism part of question. Encourage other parents to stay strong with eating habits if that is not the caseThat’s not how autistic disordered eating works.
It may be spartan, but giving them a regular plate of homecooked dinner (with vegetables of course) and nothing else until they’ve finshed it, works most of the time. If not, they go to bed hungry which doesn’t hurt them (it hurts your sleep though) if it doesn’t happen every day. Like you said, they’ll likely come around, but you have to out-patience them.
So, abuse the autistic child…
No, I guess I should’ve mentioned to not abuse your child this way. Just like a microwave manual mentions that you should not put your cat in a microwave.
Problem is, withholding food is abuse, period. You’re telling someone who doesn’t have the same neurological capacities you do to either starve or eat something they very likely have a visceral reaction to.
The other poster mentioned they missed the ‘potentially autistic’ part. While withholding food is abusive regardless,this for sure exacerbates the issues. I suspect you may have missed that part as well. It’s okay, just have some humility to step back and say so. Or keep advocating for old school abusive parenting.
Quite the contrary. It’s abusive to only feed your kids mcdonalds, because that’s the only thing they want. You’re telling someone who doesn’t have the nerological capacities you do that they can decide whatever they want to eat.
My kids get a varied diet with all the nutrients they need. They can choose not to eat it, that’s fine, but I’m not going to give them mcdonalds instead. Mcdonalds does not provide the same nutrients as a well balanced meal.
Sometimes I persuade them to “just eat a few bites” and than they can have desert as reward.
Sometimes we go to mcdonalds or some other fast food thing. But that’s my choice, not theirs (mostly). And it’s an occasional thing and a family event, like maybe once per month.
Maybe this approach doesn’t work for neurodivergent kids, but I never claimed it did. If you have a neurodivergent kid, you should maybe look into other methods. I should add that I also don’t know if this works for children of all ages, genders, races, handicaps, species, planets and dimensions. It works good enough for my kids and I’m taking that as a win.
Right. So maybe go back to the last paragraph, admit you probably missed the potential neurodivergency, and show some humility. Or double down and continue to offer bad advice.
No one here has said just let the kid eat what they want. Not OP, not me, not anyone else. We all want the kid to eat a better diet. That’s literally the purpose of this thread.
The problem is that, for non-typical situations, typical solutions don’t work. And, even for typical situations, starvation isn’t the best option. We’re trying to explore other possibilities, rather than the traditional ones, and being told “force the kid, you’re the parent” is at best tone deaf.
I see were this is going wrong. The last sentence of OP’s post says:
(He’s likely on the spectrum)
That wasn’t there yesterday.
Flinstone vitamins, maybe? Or any other kids gummy vitamins.
I would highly recommend talking with a child therapist before this becomes an ingrained habit, if you haven’t already.
It’s also worth getting them checked out by a gastroenterologist. Sometimes picky eating is a subconscious thing to avoid having the shits all the time.
I’m not trying to downplay the reality of serious health concerns sometimes being behind food habits, but I think I need to say…
Picky eating is an absolutely normal part of child development. Anecdotally, both of my kids went through two distinct phases of picky eating, at around 3-5 and 8-11.
They gradually grow out of it. All you can do is try to make sure what they are eating is nutritious enough while they are going through it.
that’s a good point, too.
Yes, that may be the answer. He’s getting help through early intervention and on the waitlist to get tested for autism so see if that’s what’s causing his picky eating. Luckily his pediatrician is not urgently concerned about his diet because he’s growing well enough and seems healthy, but since I’ve stopped breastfeeding I’ve been keeping track of what foods he’s been eating and noticed how few vitamins are in all the things he’ll eat.
Op, I agree with getting some gastric testing, if possible. I may or not be divergent, testing is cost prohibitive. But I was diagnosed as a child with IBS and still have occasional issues after food poisoning set backs a while ago. After getting that straightened out, a decent probiotic cap with fiber set me back on track until I could eat a mostly veggie diet, until the robber Barron corporate overlords started pricing decent food so crazily. You can add nutrition to crackers or bread with nut butters if your toddler will have them. If toddler requires more sweetness, try adding as little maple syrup as possible, and honey if his practitioner deems it ok.
Have you tried home made sweet potato fries (oven baked or air fry is fine, you’d have to look up how to oven fry them), or if your child will eat baked sweet potatoe with a little real butter they are highly nutritious and gut friendly. It’s just hard to say because one of the many reasons I may be asd is it doesn’t matter how much I like the flavor of something, if I don’t like the feel or consistency of a food, I’m simply not having it.
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do… I want to know what “rough” means?
hope they’re just nasty-tasting.
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Your kid seems smarter than you, hehe
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I mean, it’s a good thing, and you should be proud.
But, they did get you to eat colored sand.
While I’m autistic and have my own issues with food, we’re all different and have our own lists of “safe” and “unsafe” foods, so I don’t have any specific advice other than please, please don’t listen to the people who want you to abuse your child by either forcing, or withholding food.
Post this in an autistic group if you want to hear how well that actually works (that’s actually the best advice I can give in general - follow autistic people and spaces, listen to autistic adults who have been there and know what your child is going through, and, often with the opposite intent, the damage their parent or guardian or doctor or “therapist” did to their mental and general health and wellbeing because they were treated as “poorly behaved” neurotypicals, instead of the neurodiverse individuals that they (we) are).
E: even if it turns out they aren’t autistic, forcing and/or withholding food is still just as shitty a thing to do.
Seconding this plea to ignore anyone telling you to force or withhold food. The whole “they’ll eat it when they’re hungry enough” may apply to many picky eaters, but if someone (kid or adult) eats an extremely limited or unusual diet like you’re describing in the comments, there is a good chance it may be ARFID. It’s an eating/feeding disorder that often goes along with autism or sensory processing disorders, but can be separate. Critically, the “tried and true” parenting strategies for breaking picky eaters will exacerbate the problem. Of course the answer also isn’t “let them eat McDonald’s all day and stop worrying,” but there are a lot of strategies for supporting someone (especially kids) to expand their list of safe foods in a low-risk high-reward way.
Like the commenter above me said, everyone who has/had ”issues with food” is going to have an entirely different list of what they can and can’t eat and a different set of strategies that worked or backfired for them. The only general advice I have that I think applies across the board is: lower the pressure. If someone only eats 2 or 5 or 10 things, every interaction with food is already very high stakes and takes up a lot of brain space. You’re probably not going to be able to make specific foods less scary, but you can make the environment safer. Never make an unsafe food the only option, don’t let them see how worried you are, don’t (like my mom did) tell them “scientists found that if you eat more than one hot dog a month you get cancer” or “if you don’t eat vegetables you’ll die before you turn 20.” And maybe counterintuitively, don’t act overly surprised or excited when they are curious about a new food, aren’t afraid of something, like a food now that they insisted they didn’t like, etc. Just go with it as a win for you both. Let them see that what happens when they can eat more food is just…they can eat more food. No drama. (Exception if they are already excited and you are following their lead.)
Resources like NEDA (in the like above) can point you toward some places to start and connect you with other parents and professionals who can offer more contextualized and specific advice. You might also look at the r/ARFID subreddit. It’s mostly adults supporting each other but there’s a lot of wisdom for concerned caregivers and loved ones as well.
Thank you! Yes, ARFID has been on my radar since learning one of my friends has it and I’m curious if my son has it as well. I’ve definitely been guilty of not hiding my excitement when he tries a new food, so that’s a helpful note.
Yes I agree with all of this!
Freeze dried fruit. It makes fruit taste and crunch more like candy. My nephew goes crazy for freeze dried fruit. Blueberries, figs, mango, there’s so many to try
Yes! Also dates are great and last for a while on the shelf. They’re super sweet. Also raisins or trail mix. You can even make granola bars very easily with quick oats, peanut butter, honey or maple syrup, and trail mix. Sprinkle on a bit of salt for extra addictive.
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Not with real food, but I have saved the mcnuggets box and tried giving him other kinds of chicken nuggets. He nibbled on a couple and then made a look like “well this whole batch is messed up.”
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Muwahahahaha.
He’s 3 years old. He’ll eat when he gets hungry enough. He has no income, he can’t supplement his diet with McDs, just deny buying it. Sure you’ll have some tantrums, but better that now than trying to deal with it later.
Parenting is not easy, it’s hard work, and with that comes hard decisions, including putting up with temper tantrums for the greater good.
He’ll eat when he gets hungry enough
Says every person who has no experience with or knowledge of autistic people yet thinks they know better…
Sorry, I must have missed where OP mentioned her son was autistic
What did you think this bit meant?
(He’s likely on the spectrum.)
A home, WebMD diagnosis is not clinical evidence
So the fuck what?
Diagnosing your child has autism from WebMD, and not going to get a professional evaluation is the same as calling yourself a car because you stood in a garage
Advising a parent to torture a child over food is piss poor advice to start with but when the parent has identified possible autism, you realise you know less than nothing and shut the fuck up.
I think that’s an addition, since I fell for it as well.
He’ll eat when he gets hungry
You never were so focused on something that you forgot to eat all day?
Dried mango was big for us. We also supplement with Flintstones. There are also vitamin drops you can sneak into their food.
Also, eat something and casually tell him he can’t have any. My kid (AuDHD with PDA) wants anything they can’t have, especially when it’s mine.
Dry cereal always worked (still does!) as a nutritious snack. Granted, the nutrition has all been sprayed on, but it’s still there.
A little mixed tub of Cornflakes/Branflakes/Rice Crispies/Coco Pops always goes down well.
That’s a good idea. He’s turned down all the cereals we routinely buy, but I should experiment with more of those.
Applesauces with no sugar added?
Refusing anything but water isn’t necessarily bad.
He probably wants things with a predictable mouth feel and neutral temperature that aren’t overpowering.
Hotdogs tend to be popular (the cheap ones).
If you haven’t tried cheese toast, it may be an option, although you need to be careful about the type of cheese.
Also worth trying baby carrots and seedless grapes that don’t have browned ends and are off the stem.
Something else that may be useful is having him help make some snacks; kids will often eat things they’ve made themselves when they won’t accept the same thing from someone else.
If you can afford it, you could also try a sampling party where you buy a small portions of 5 or so similar items at a time, and get him to taste them all and tell you which is the worst and best. Don’t bring “will you eat this” into it at all: it’s a game and he has to rank them. In order to rank them he has to taste them.
Lots of good ideas, thank you!
Why processed?
He’s a super picky eater. I serve him a wide variety but the only things he’ll actually eat are the more predictable, processed stuff so I’m trying to make sure he’s at least getting all the vitamins and nutrients he needs.
Some crackers have whole grain versions that taste as good or better than their white flour versions. Goldfish and Cheez-its are the two that come to mind. This doesn’t make them “healthy”, but at least there’s some better fiber in there. Compare nutrition labels.
Also try veggie chips/sticks. Again, they’re not “healthy”, but… there’s some better stuff in them than normal junk food. They are junk food with a small amount of bonus nutrition.
Freeze-dried fruit is addicting, but expensive. Try it and/or dehydrated fruit. The latter is chewy while freeze-dried is crunchy and melts in your mouth.
You can also try making your own nuggets or tenders with whole-grain panko breadcrumbs, and seasoning. The trick is to make it better than McDonald’s, which is easy for an adult, but tricky for kids. I don’t know the magic sauce though.
One of the latest Splendid Table podcasts had a guest on to talk about cooking healthy for kids (or she just wrote a book about it, I didn’t listen yet.) It’s a great show. Check that out.
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That’s a good idea. It’s rare, but sometimes he will nibble on banana chips.
Have you tried Lenny and Larry’s complete cookies?
No I hadn’t heard of those! I’ll check them out
Don’t snack
Plazma (Lane) Biscuits, 600g https://a.co/d/2zIZ29U
They have some vitamins and iron, not too much fat or sugar, but still taste great. There is also a ground version that can be eaten with milk, kind of like a sweet porridge - but better.
Here is one link to nutrition facts label. https://assets.wakefern.com/is/image/wakefern/860004300332-577
Just ordered some. Thank you!
You’re welcome.
He liked them! He just ate 4 of them. Thank you again!
Glad to hear. Our little ones love them too!
