There have been similar posts in the past and you all might be tired of commenting on them, but I’m really curious what it’s like for others. So here I am posting my own question thread.

Given that our core identities are defined by lots of different quirks, gender, romance, sexuality, platonic affinity being some of them. I am curious to know what aspects all of you measure yourself by and how you place yourselves within the bigger picture. Especially hoping for some wholesome takes that may help someone else feel more comfortable with themselves, should they adopt the way of thinking.

I’ll share my own take: Gender identity

  • Masculine-feminine spectrum: Definitely more comfortable with feminine side.
  • Fluidity: experiencing some, not sure if that is because of uncertainty or inherent.
  • Intensity flux: also experiencing some, some days are just a little extra “I want to be a girl”-days.
  • Overall: unsure about where that leaves me, status quo (I’m just me) is fine for now.

Attraction to others

  • Sexuality: Definitely bisexual, trans-inclusive (who would have guessed).
  • Romantic…ality?: Vastly different from sexuality, mostly romantically interested in women (cis or trans), i’d say biromantic with a 90% bias. Any men I’ve had romantic interest in shared some feminine traits, so ‘femromantic’? Is that a thing?

Social traits

  • Platonic affinity: Find myself feeling most comfortable around women. As long as I can remember I’ve always been one of the girls and some interactions with men actually confirm that I’m absolutely nothing like the average dude.
  • General sensitivity: Without a doubt HSP, even though others usually can’t tell (which gets me in trouble).
  • Social tolerance: Intuitively introverted, though have become more outgoing lately, so not strictly introverted.

Obviously these are just some examples of things we can measure ourselves by, curious to see which ones you will add or remove and why. And it goes without saying: Only share what you’re comfortable sharing.

TL;DR: I’m a huge nerd and have reduced myself to an n-dimensional vector, and I’m asking you to do the same and maybe add some dimensions you know of.

  • -Emma-@fedia.io
    4·
    8 months ago

    I read the title like the ad for OS1 in the movie Her:

    Who are you? Where are you going?

    You really need to see Her if you haven’t yet. Like seriously.

    Anyway, here’s some stuff:

    Gender identity
    • Gender Spectrum: Feminine Trans Girl
    Attraction to others

    • Sexuality: Yes lol. Maybe bisexual? idk

    • Romantic…ality?: idk…

    Social traits
    • Platonic affinity: I could use some girl friends irl, or just friends in general.
    • Semivir [he/him, she/her]OPEnglish
      2·
      8 months ago

      I do admit, the title is actually kinda clickbaity in hindsight. Probably could’ve done better.

      You really need to see Her if you haven’t yet. Like seriously.

      Went to IMDB to look it up and the front page featured a spotlight of the new Joker movie (starring… you guessed it!). Movie seems interesting, definitely going to watch sometime soon!

      • Sexuality: Yes lol.

      Sometimes less is more. xD

      I could use some girl friends irl, or just friends in general.

      Yeah, no harm in making some friends. Issue is just “where do you start?”, dream is to be magically adopted into a nice friend group, but things just don’t work like that usually. Or at least they don’t when you’re sober.

      Hypothetically, if you had unlimited options with infinite success rates, what kind of friends would you add to your social circle first? Girl friends, guy friends, trans friends, enby friends, neurodivergent friends, nerd friends, or any other brand of friends I haven’t listed?

      Would definitely offer you my friendship application! If you feel like chatting, DM me and I’ll send you my matrix details.

      • -Emma-@fedia.io
        3·
        8 months ago

        Sometimes less is more. xD

        I was gonna put more details there, but idk. I guess I felt weird detailing my sexuality (and sexual frustrations) on someone else’s post when I had already expressed it in a meme. Not sure if you saw the meme though. I posted a censored version in the !transmemes@lemmy.blahaj.zone and !traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns@lemmy.ca communities.

        Hypothetically, if you had unlimited options with infinite success rates, what kind of friends would you add to your social circle first?

        I really want to have girl and trans girl friends irl. I want to be around fem people that can maybe help me with girl stuff like fashion, and trans girl stuff like passing. So in the hypothetical, I’d probably want trans girl friends first.

        Also, I don’t really have a social circle anymore. I have floated from/to different friend groups over the years. But I was severely addicted to drugs for a while, and those friends weren’t the best. I cut ties to two out of three of the last “friends” some time before the pandemic. The last friend was and is a good person, but we drifted apart.

        Would definitely offer you my friendship application! If you feel like chatting, DM me and I’ll send you my matrix details.

        Application approved! lol Since Mbin users can’t currently DM Lemmy users, I sent you my matrix ID using my recently created lemmy.ca account.

        • Semivir [he/him, she/her]OPEnglish
          3·
          8 months ago

          Not sure if you saw the meme though.

          Yeah I definitely saw the meme alright. From within my little bubble… while riding public transport. I had to contain my laughter so hard it hurt. The censorship just made it even better. Also definitely a mood I’m not unfamiliar with.

          I really want to have girl and trans girl friends irl. I want to be around fem people that can maybe help me with girl stuff like fashion, and trans girl stuff like passing. So in the hypothetical, I’d probably want trans girl friends first.

          Yeah I definitely get that. I feel like making trans girl friends is the safest way to get into that stuff because at the very least you’re sure they won’t have a wildly unpredictable reaction to the “hey, BTW I’m trans” revelation (depending on where you are with respect to transitioning of course). I definitely feel like I could use some real life trans girl friends, even if it were just to express myself more freely like I do on here. The big issue is actually finding them when you’re not ready to commit to something like going to local support groups.

          So sorry to hear about your social circle breaking down. Sounds like it is for the best though, and I’m willing to bet any new friends you’ll gain will probably be better for you in the long run. I’ve been through a similar situation where I’ve pretty much not retained any friendships growing up. Every friend I’ve made since has been great so far, even though I still don’t maintain many friendships. Bottom line is there’s always hope, just gotta find the right people.

          • -Emma-@fedia.io
            1·
            8 months ago

            I had to contain my laughter so hard it hurt. The censorship just made it even better. Also definitely a mood I’m not unfamiliar with.

            lol I’m glad you liked it 😁️ Part of the inspiration for it came from an uncensored reddit meme (the template was the two paths, each leading to either light side or dark side). The stuff on reddit can get wild. Or it could. I don’t browse there anymore, since the events of last year.

            And I actually did originally make the meme uncensored, but then I figured that it was… a bit much, at least to share publicly. I don’t want people to feel that I’m pushing sexual stuff on them, and I don’t want kids to come across it. So that’s why I made the censored version.

            The big issue is actually finding them when you’re not ready to commit to something like going to local support groups.

            At this point, I would actually attend such a group get-together, if there were any around here. I’m in a deep red state in the US, and the nearest blue city has a group that only meets online using facebook and zoom. Absolutely ridiculous, and a deal breaker for me. The nearest physical meetups are like 2 or 3 hours away. And I think they make everyone sign up through facebook. Like, I absolutely understand the need to vet new people for the safety of everyone, but facebook? Really? Super frustrating.

            So sorry to hear about your social circle breaking down. Sounds like it is for the best though

            Thanks. Yeah, it was definitely for the best to leave that life behind. I don’t totally regret the addictions and experiences though. I mainly regret that I didn’t move on sooner.

            I’m tempted to go back to my local Unitarian Universalist church to see if my old friends still attend, but I kinda doubt they do. And I’m still super nervous about going out fully fem. I know that every single person at that church would accept me without question, but idk. I was gonna put a reason there but couldn’t really think of anything other than “It’d be weird at first.” which isn’t a good reason. And now I’m rambling…

            • Semivir [he/him, she/her]OPEnglish
              3·
              8 months ago

              The stuff on reddit can get wild. Or it could. I don’t browse there anymore, since the events of last year.

              Yeah they just had to kill the third-party clients and set their platform on fire. Well not “they”, we all know who is at fault, but this is not that kind of post and we’re not turning it into one.

              If only there was some way of maybe scheduling a headless browser to steal all the juicy stuff that might be left without providing any more value to the platform… if only. 😇

              I don’t want people to feel that I’m pushing sexual stuff on them, and I don’t want kids to come across it. So that’s why I made the censored version.

              Probably a good call, though sexuality is definitely part of a healthy life (no offence, asexual peeps) and that means there should be a place for that kind of engagement.

              Speaking of ridiculous US things… yeah, you got the perfect mix of absolute bullshit there. Really makes me think about my frame of reference sometimes. If you’re willing enough, maybe just bite the bullet and help them set up matrix/signal? The privacy benefits alone should be enough to convince them, let alone that it’s a more versatile solution than facebook as a front-end for your community.

              And I’m still super nervous about going out fully fem.

              Yeah, the world at large is not a cosy place. There will be a point in time or a geographical location where you’re comfortable with it, I’m sure.

              “It’d be weird at first.” which isn’t a good reason.

              It’s reason enough to feel anxious, maybe not reason enough to just accept and let it stop you from doing something in your own interest. You might just be afraid of people thinking differently of you, even though they won’t show it. Which is perfectly reasonable. What you have going for you is that if you did go there, you always the option of never coming back again if you get a negative result. That will definitively shift your focus towards finding new people to connect with.