Fictional options for animated biopics, why not
My cat. Everyone would be played by cats. Untrained cats, just put them together in relevant places and roll camera. It’s art now.
I was thinking specific cats (a la Unsinkable Sam or Stationmaster Tama), but these newcomers need breakout roles too!
Nicolas Cage.
Doesn’t matter that he isn’t even close to being a match, but the movie would most certainly be entertaining.
Jack Black is the only real choice. In his messy beard phase.
Me of course. I mean I already got famous for being me so clearly I would be a good fit for the role.
Macaulay Culkin
I’m a forgettable nobody, so, Michael Cera.
I’m thinking the actress for MJ in Spiderman (forgot her name) is the closest match, but it would still be a very rough one. For starters, I’m wondering how well she’d do in leg guards or if she could do a Kiwi accent.
Seth Rogan but he’s a craft beer snob instead of a pot head.
Probably Keanu Reaves. We went to the same schools growing up and have similar ethnicity. I don’t actually remember him, though I must’ve passed him in the hall? He’s a few years my senior.
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.
No similarity, but it’d be funny watching the director try to fit The Rock into a computer programming role; and also because - since it’s a movie - people would think that’s how I look.
Question: on what occasion in your life did you hold a helicopter with bare hands? And why?
It’s my biography, not Dwayne’s! The heaviest thing he’ll hold in the biography will be the absurdly large Calvin & Hobbes Compendium.
Matt Damon.
Similar size, shape, looks and both from the Boston area.
I describe myself as looking like what happens when you skip character creation. I’m super average-looking and would be tough to pick from a crowd.
Either Jack Black or Daniel Day-Lewis, depending on who directs/who’s casting.
Edit: I’m not saying I look like Daniel Day-Lewis, I’m saying I like to think my life would require an actor of his caliber and complexity. Probably Rob Schneider would suffice, in reality.
In a similar vein, not Rob Schneider the actor, but that racist stereotype Mexican he plays in a bunch of movies. I would find it hilarious in a “I’m the dude playing the dude disguised as another dude” way.
Wait.
RDJ playing Rob Schneider playing that character.
Daniel Day Lewis?! Now, I know you’re being disingenuous. Please use no fewer than 25 words between the; painter, journeyman cobbler, chef, bon vivant, quite possibly the greatest actor of his generation and Rob “screaming internally for validation” Schneider.
A cross between Matt Jones and Daniel Franzese
Apparently I look a lot like a certain, well known actor. So much so, that several people independently of each other told me that.
