Or in other words, do you wish you were born “fitting in” to the society we live in? Why or why not?
This might be a divisive question so please remember to be civil and respectful.
I believe we should all be proud of our trans identities and how they help make up the beautiful complex people we are, but with rising transphobia around the world, we’ve been pressured to hide this aspect of ourselves and even feel shame or internalized transphobia. It’s important to keep in mind that transphobia and bigotry are learned traits. Not something people are born with. Our society as well as influential people in our lives shape these viewpoints out of fear and lack of understanding.
I think this is why so many of us that fall under a binary trans umbrella (including myself) are overly concerned with passing in public. Or “presenting as cis” vs being comfortable with where we are in our process.
Does being concerned with passing mean we wish we were cis? Or is it more of a self defense we have developed to keep ourselves safe even if that means going “stealth” and hiding big aspects of our identity?
What are your thoughts? Do you wish you were cis instead of trans? Why is that?
**EDIT: When writing and thinking about this post, I did not fully consider how different perspectives may view this question. I wrote it using my own experience as a mostly binary trans woman and in turn it excludes a lot of non-binary perspectives.
I apologize for excluding any of our wonderful transiblings from discussion. I’ll keep this in mind moving forward and love each and every one of you!
All the love, -Olivia**
My thoughts on this are complicated.
On one hand, if I were never trans I would never have understood systemic oppression as well as I do. I can understand some of the struggles that women face physically and socially even though I am not one. I’ll be able to tell future generations about existing as a trans person in this important part of queer history. I also have the experience of living as both genders physically and socially, which is an experience the vast majority of the population will never get.
On the other hand, I wouldn’t have wasted as much of my life if I had been cis. I probably would have still struggled with depression and anxiety, but wouldn’t have lost all of the opportunities that I did and isolated myself because of being trans. There’s also be less future health problems to deal with if I were cis. It’s still unknown what a lot of the long term affects of testosterone are for trans men’s bodies, but it’s possible it can increase the chances of getting reproductive cancers in addition to the increased risk of cardiovascular events and heart disease. You don’t come across many old trans men compared to trans women. There’s also all the surgeries and general stress of being trans in this day and age that can’t be good for the body. I also probably would have been screened for ADHD much, much earlier which would have made my life a lot easier than it turned out to be.
I do wish I could be cis, but it is what it is. I’ll never have a body exactly like a cis man’s and I didn’t get the adolescence I should have gotten, and I’ve come to terms with the fact. Gotta come to terms with what you’ve got and see the benefits.