For me, the reason it is hard out there is because I am super careful when trying to pick someone up and they end up mistaking my pickup lines for friendly banter and I end up getting friendzoned.
Plus I am super choosy myself and take long to crush on someone and then take super long to get over a crush. (o﹏o)
But I agree that listening to toxic males like Tate will likely not make it easier.
But tbh it always makes it even more difficult to get over them. As I said, I do not crush that easily (like one every three years). And I really value their friendship but I never managed to find someone who is romantically compatible in 24 years (after effectively looking for 10 years).
And then society seems to expect me to make the first move but why should I even try if all I get is a circle of rejection. And all I keep hearing is “you’ll find someone eventually” but the 20s is supposed to be the time you get the most hook ups yet here I am almost halfway through and still no progress in sight.
And I see my mom slowly giving up on me as if I failed them. (I mean, she’s still loving and caring but I can see that it bothers her almost as much as it bothers me) and some of my friends even start to think I am asexual.
And every time I see couples I get so mixed up in my emotions. I am happy for them but also sad because it reminds me how lonely I am. This goes up to the point where I completely shut myself in on Valentine’s just to escape the emotional pain.
And people tell me how “things will get better” but they started telling me in 2018 and things haven’t changed a bit since then. Even worse I think that the competition is gaining experience whilst I just stay on 0 which is even more frustrating.
And I am constantly in conflict with myself if I should lower my standards (which seems impossible to lower them further without ending in a toxic relationship or something I am just not feeling) or just stay single (which doesn’t solve my problem)…
The up side is that apart from that my life is actually quite nice so please don’t worry about me too much I’m still doing fine and I got professional help (which just hasn’t really given me any helpful answers to my problem apart from that things will eventually turn out)…
In fact, I feel conflicted writing this. I don’t want pity (as I said, I am fine apart from what I’ve just explained) but at the same time I really needed to vent
I think the tons of hook ups in the twenties thing is because most people don’t really know what they want and if someone will lead to a toxic relationship. They have to figure that out by trying out a bunch of things that end up being totally wrong for them. You sound like you have a really solid idea of who would make a good partner for you. It takes most people much longer than their early-mid twenties to find that relationship.
If it’s really bothering you, maybe try out the relationships you think won’t work, just to confirm that you’re right about what you want.
Tysm for your reply & advice. I try not to think about it but sometimes it gets stirred up but 9 out of 10 days I’m trying to see the positives like not having the risk of going through a break-up whilst studying & working. ^^
I made it two paragraphs in, you need to talk to someone about your emotions.
You may think that you’re not showing this negativity and sadness on the surface, but I can guarantee your potential partners are picking up on it immediately.
You can’t build a successful relationship without starting from a good place. You’re starting from a bad place with negative expectations each time.
Until you address the only constant (your emotions and negative self-image) in this cycle of rejection as you call it, you’ll never succeed in a relationship.
I’m usually a lot more positive but sometimes things happen (usually stress related) that emotionally stir up those kinds of emotions in me. I have consulted professional help and I am thinking about taking the time to do so again.
As mentioned in my second last paragraph I am feeling extremely fine usually, because apart from that I cannot really complain.
I usually try not to think about it and see the positives like not having to deal with a break up during exam time or something. But this is also why I sometimes feel even more conflicted because I know that it’s just not the right time for lovesickness.
For me, the reason it is hard out there is because I am super careful when trying to pick someone up and they end up mistaking my pickup lines for friendly banter and I end up getting friendzoned.
Plus I am super choosy myself and take long to crush on someone and then take super long to get over a crush. (o﹏o)
But I agree that listening to toxic males like Tate will likely not make it easier.
The Friendzone doesn’t exist, you’re just not compatible together romantically and you made a friend.
Best way I’ve heard it.
Friendzone is bullshit, because women are not vending machines that accept nice and dispense sex.
I call it being rejected.
e: just because you don’t like being rejected doesn’t change the meaning of being “friendzoned”, you’re romantically rejected. Get over it.
Oof incel vibes strong
But tbh it always makes it even more difficult to get over them. As I said, I do not crush that easily (like one every three years). And I really value their friendship but I never managed to find someone who is romantically compatible in 24 years (after effectively looking for 10 years).
And then society seems to expect me to make the first move but why should I even try if all I get is a circle of rejection. And all I keep hearing is “you’ll find someone eventually” but the 20s is supposed to be the time you get the most hook ups yet here I am almost halfway through and still no progress in sight.
And I see my mom slowly giving up on me as if I failed them. (I mean, she’s still loving and caring but I can see that it bothers her almost as much as it bothers me) and some of my friends even start to think I am asexual.
And every time I see couples I get so mixed up in my emotions. I am happy for them but also sad because it reminds me how lonely I am. This goes up to the point where I completely shut myself in on Valentine’s just to escape the emotional pain.
And people tell me how “things will get better” but they started telling me in 2018 and things haven’t changed a bit since then. Even worse I think that the competition is gaining experience whilst I just stay on 0 which is even more frustrating.
And I am constantly in conflict with myself if I should lower my standards (which seems impossible to lower them further without ending in a toxic relationship or something I am just not feeling) or just stay single (which doesn’t solve my problem)…
The up side is that apart from that my life is actually quite nice so please don’t worry about me too much I’m still doing fine and I got professional help (which just hasn’t really given me any helpful answers to my problem apart from that things will eventually turn out)…
In fact, I feel conflicted writing this. I don’t want pity (as I said, I am fine apart from what I’ve just explained) but at the same time I really needed to vent
I think the tons of hook ups in the twenties thing is because most people don’t really know what they want and if someone will lead to a toxic relationship. They have to figure that out by trying out a bunch of things that end up being totally wrong for them. You sound like you have a really solid idea of who would make a good partner for you. It takes most people much longer than their early-mid twenties to find that relationship.
If it’s really bothering you, maybe try out the relationships you think won’t work, just to confirm that you’re right about what you want.
Tysm for your reply & advice. I try not to think about it but sometimes it gets stirred up but 9 out of 10 days I’m trying to see the positives like not having the risk of going through a break-up whilst studying & working. ^^
I made it two paragraphs in, you need to talk to someone about your emotions.
You may think that you’re not showing this negativity and sadness on the surface, but I can guarantee your potential partners are picking up on it immediately.
You can’t build a successful relationship without starting from a good place. You’re starting from a bad place with negative expectations each time.
Until you address the only constant (your emotions and negative self-image) in this cycle of rejection as you call it, you’ll never succeed in a relationship.
Thank you for your input ^^
I’m usually a lot more positive but sometimes things happen (usually stress related) that emotionally stir up those kinds of emotions in me. I have consulted professional help and I am thinking about taking the time to do so again.
As mentioned in my second last paragraph I am feeling extremely fine usually, because apart from that I cannot really complain.
I usually try not to think about it and see the positives like not having to deal with a break up during exam time or something. But this is also why I sometimes feel even more conflicted because I know that it’s just not the right time for lovesickness.