I was reading today about how my US state is apparently one of the worst for trans people to get care in. It’s generally one of the worst for just about everything to do with being trans legally, and I realized how thankful I am that I was insanely lucky enough to get access to HRT, even though I have to drive to a different state to get it and it’s hella expensive compared to the other medications I have to take. But like holy shit, it’s been such an improvement in my life to have. It’s genuinely the first time in my life I haven’t looked towards the future with utter dread.
It sucks here in terms of the government and the attitudes of some people, and I’m moving out soon, but it’s still my home and I’m gonna miss it. When people say “just move to a better state/country” that’s not the solution they think it is. It’s a lot of emotional pain to leave behind one’s family, community, social ties, and culture. This shouldn’t have happened in the first place.
Sending love to those of you who haven’t been able to access HRT or any other trans care that you need. You deserve to have access to those things. I hope for one day where those who want to go back home will be able to do so safely.
That’s the thing too that many people who don’t live in red states don’t understand. There are pockets of blue in almost every state. My state is a lot more 50/50 than most people think, but it’s also one of the most heavily gerrymandered states in the union. Also the city you’re living in sounds like the ideal vibe, haha.
I’m sorry about your extended family :( I have some extended family members who are very supportive and understanding of me, but with the majority it’s kind of an “open secret” because 90% of the time I pass to strangers, so there’s no way they don’t know something, but the problem is I just don’t think they’ll understand it totally. Like the whole name and pronouns stuff. I feel like I can’t bring new friends to meet them because they’ll out me, even though I wish they could meet them because they are interesting people. I was raised in a culture where extended family is a very important support network and part of me wants to just cut everyone off but the other parts knows that I’ve gotta keep them around somewhat. It’s both a blessing and a curse, and I guess even if it isn’t 100% ideal a lot of Americans nowadays don’t interact/aren’t close with extended family at all. I know they’d help me if I were in a bind.
There’s also just the whole thing of most of my family being cishet white people. They don’t know what it’s like to be systemically oppressed like this and have trouble understanding where I’m coming from and think I’m paranoid or something. I got into a huge fight with my mom a couple of months ago because I didn’t want to go to Florida because of how dangerous it would be for me, and she just genuinely didn’t understand and it took a lot of explaining.
I’m kinda ranting here, but I hope you don’t have to leave your home and all this stuff will blow over, I really do. My game plan for now is to finish college in a state that’s better, visit for the holidays, and if all this shit blows over in five or so years move back and try to rebuild and make things better for the trans people still there. If not, well… different country I guess. Hang in there 💜