How not just give up? There is nothing left, no viable career options, hobbies are pointless because there’s just no improvement past certain point anyway, no alleviation to the fucking constant hurt that’s AuDHD. And nobody gets it, nobody.
Any insight, other than “seek help”, would be welcome right about now.
Hello, it is me with burnout. It’s hard to keep up with everything. But I think I have been in a similar place.
What do you mean no career prospects? I’m the type of autistic that misses social queues but is really good at systemizing, so I’m a great person at making sure stuff “behind the scenes” gets done. (Sure, I talk to other team members but I make minimal appearances to clients.) Do you have any ideas as to how your strengths can work well in a role?
And for hobbies, that’s my shit right there. I don’t have to be good at it, I just have to like it. That’s the point imo. To be fair, it is sometimes hard to get into a hobby of mine because I don’t have to focus on doing it at the time. Or I might want to “step it up” but my ADHD makes it difficult to follow through.
It’s constant hurt if you’re in a place where you don’t fit in. Believe me, I know. We can’t change the world overnight, but is there something you can focus on that you can change? Can you streamline something in your own home to be less hostile to your brain, like putting up curtains or organizing your clothes so getting dressed in the morning is easier? Can you make any decisions on how you interact with the world outside of your home that will make things easier?
I try to even play my own strengths to defeat my weaknesses. My ADHD makes it hard for me to get started on a task. It also makes it hard to stay on the task if I hit a snag. What helps is structure… Which I am great at giving myself because of autism. My bathroom is really well organized, so I am on top of making sure I never run out of anything and it’s easy to find anything I need (because it all has a place).
I would also give yourself some breaks. Even just a small break will help your brain out so so much.
Lastly, this growth will take time. It’s ok to make mistakes. It’s ok to need some time to learn and perfect something. It’s ok to need to take a break.
I went through school under-achieving due to hostile environments and lack of support. Masking half a life-time left me traumatized and chronically tired. I can’t fathom how anyone with these cards can muster up the will and courage to put the mask back on to have an edge at the job-market. Even the thought of a job interview paralyzes me.
I have no idea where such a magical land would be, where a burnt out, under-achieving AuDHD person would fit it.
Due to decades of nearly 100% negative interactions, I’ve almost completely isolated myself. I know it’s not good, but just don’t see how to interact without submitting myself to more harrassment and misunderstandings.
Yeah, I’ve found ways to get things done, just the motivation and reward is completely lost at this point.
For career, I was very burnt out when I was trying to get a new job. My job was pretty hostile to me to the point it was a good day if I only cried twice. I know I definitely bombed some interviews hard. But after some practice, interviewing got easier and I did get a better job. Is this something you think you can achieve? (I do not know the specifics of your career path. I hear there are niche ones where everyone knows each other and this may not be advisable, but I can’t speak to that.)
I feel like you might be taking an “all or nothing” approach. You don’t need to fix EVERYTHING all at once. It’s a process. You might only be able to fix one thing in a month or two. It’s not failing to move at that pace. But just keep improving little by little.
The point of me telling you to fix the environment that you can change was to help alleviate some of the burnout. If you can make at least one low stress place for yourself, you have a better chance of recovering from burnout. If you alleviate the burnout, you will be able to function better. Interactions with the outside world will be easier. (And being able to deal with negative interactions.) You might even find “your people” that you actually like hanging out with on occasion.
When I miss cues or I do something that frustrates someone, I apologize and try to do better… But also I don’t beat myself up over it. Do you beat yourself up over these types of things? If you do, practice different ways you can let it go. It won’t be instant and it will take time to build that skill, but it is essential.
Do you have any way you can practice interacting with people? It can be as small as going to the store and going to a checkout lane with a cashier. If you mess something up… Remember it’s no biggie. The cashier deals with all sorts of people and won’t remember your mistake by the end of their shift.
I recommend the book What to Say Next: Successful Communication in Work, Life, and Love by Larry Nannery and Sarah Nannery. It was a huge help for me to understand the purpose of certain types of communication like small talk. It also made me feel so seen and not like some sort of crazy alien trying to integrate with the humans.
I definitely understand that feeling of feeling no joy, reward, etc. from doing something. It might be easier to focus on something visual. If you got a bit of a depression nest going on (no judgement), doing something as small as getting a trash bag and throwing away any trash you see for 10 minutes might be a boost. Or just give yourself like a day of doing nothing if that’s possible. Everyone needs a break, and it sounds like it would help calm your mind and help with your feelings of overwhelm.