ew ew EW that guy in the mirror, he’s nice but for some reason he imitates me, why!? Does he think he’s me? Ew that’s super gross. I bet this guy watches pron and doesn’t actually do anything. He like - looks like he’d kill a person if they stepped on his shoe.
Anyways
I feel strongly uncomfortable with any horni stuff because it feels unnatural. Like an alien sickness which makes me feel uncomfortable and yearn for the most disgusting things…
It distracts me so much from what i actually want to do. It makes me feel that not only does it make me feel that I’m not doing what i want to do, but it also make me feel oh so very disgusting. It feels like I’m losing against something worse than my worst nightmares.
I bet your worst fantasies aren't half as bad as mine!
Handholding, getting lost in each other’s eyes, getting brutally assaulted and dominated, french kissing. Truly the most devious stuff :3
The key thing is to separate fantasies and arousal from who you are. You’re not defined by those things. You’re not a bad person for thinking bad things, especially if you hate that you think them. You’re a person who thinks bad things, not a bad person.
Also...
Taking estrogen will probably help if you hate being masculine. You’ll be more in control of arousal and feel better about your body.
I felt like my body was a gangrene limb until recently, only now starting to see myself in the mirror. Arousal also feels so much better it’s insane.
That just sounds super lovely! That’s the kind of romantic spice I love! <3
You are right in that I should separate horni thoughts from actual reasonable thoughts.
I’m really hoping for estrogen to do some stuff which lowers my libido and hopefully some other stuff too (I’m still somewhat young, so one can dream, right?)
Even if you’re not “somewhat young,” it will definitely do some stuff. Why dream when you can do? Life is too short. The biggest downside of waiting is that it’s time you could have spent living.
short dysphoria dump
ew ew EW that guy in the mirror, he’s nice but for some reason he imitates me, why!? Does he think he’s me? Ew that’s super gross. I bet this guy watches pron and doesn’t actually do anything. He like - looks like he’d kill a person if they stepped on his shoe.
Anyways
I feel strongly uncomfortable with any horni stuff because it feels unnatural. Like an alien sickness which makes me feel uncomfortable and yearn for the most disgusting things…
It distracts me so much from what i actually want to do. It makes me feel that not only does it make me feel that I’m not doing what i want to do, but it also make me feel oh so very disgusting. It feels like I’m losing against something worse than my worst nightmares.
Thank you very much for asking! <3
🫂
Thank you. I needed that.
I bet your worst fantasies aren't half as bad as mine!
Handholding, getting lost in each other’s eyes, getting brutally assaulted and dominated, french kissing. Truly the most devious stuff :3
The key thing is to separate fantasies and arousal from who you are. You’re not defined by those things. You’re not a bad person for thinking bad things, especially if you hate that you think them. You’re a person who thinks bad things, not a bad person.
Also...
Taking estrogen will probably help if you hate being masculine. You’ll be more in control of arousal and feel better about your body.
I felt like my body was a gangrene limb until recently, only now starting to see myself in the mirror. Arousal also feels so much better it’s insane.
Thank you for responding to my comment!
about the "fantasies"
That just sounds super lovely! That’s the kind of romantic spice I love! <3
You are right in that I should separate horni thoughts from actual reasonable thoughts.
I’m really hoping for estrogen to do some stuff which lowers my libido and hopefully some other stuff too (I’m still somewhat young, so one can dream, right?)
Even if you’re not “somewhat young,” it will definitely do some stuff. Why dream when you can do? Life is too short. The biggest downside of waiting is that it’s time you could have spent living.