Maybe you have to ask yourself if it really matters that much to you, to host a party and do stuff your relevant others do. Sometimes when you actually feel better with having the life you have maybe thats a good thing. Often times the feeling of not being the person you think you should be makes you feel worse than just being true to yourself. Do what makes you happy, even if that doesn‘t satisfy the wishes of your 21 y/o self :)
It all comes down to