yeah… :((((

take care of yourselves, this is gonna get rough. I’m sticking it out where I am until I have no choice but to get out, and seeing what we can do here to help people relocate to relative safety. I have tentative hope that some states will effectively resist this, at least for now, but no matter where you are it’s definitely time for a flight plan if you can make one.

we may have lost the battle for now, but there’s time still to bolster our communities and survive this. at least I have to hope so.

I like this too, though yeah it’s frustrating how right wingers throw those types of quotes around and if I see that shirt on someone in public I probably wouldn’t immediately know what they meant by it. Seen too many goddamn Gadsden flag stickers right next to thin blue line stickers.

I was raised around a lot of “patriotism” (closet nationalism) and have had to adapt the feeling now that I understand better what America actually is and has been. I found that trying to abandon the feeling altogether was making me feel cynical and alone. The parts of America that I love in fact tend to exist despite our government and dominant culture, which steals and appropriates the things I love about us and turns them into the things people know about us and dislike for good reason. I love the source materials, not the end result. As a white person born into privilege on stolen land, my existence is not entirely apart from this, but all’s I can do with that is try to make something better of it.

There’s a salt-of-the-earth working-class segment of this country that’s getting screwed over, knows how and why they and others are getting screwed over, and has learned to survive together in spite of it. People that make families out of communities. Rail hoppers, union organizers, queer punks, the list goes on. That spirit is not unique to this country but there do exist uniquely American forms of it. I’m more proud of these people than words can express, and that’s about as close to patriotic as I can feel these days.

Maybe I just like seeing our shitty protestant labor worship turned to something more productive. Maybe I just spent too much time in the mountains to not fall in love with the land itself. Or maybe I just love banjos.

Maybe banning all men from the community is necessary, or maybe just efficient, to fulfill this purpose.

Yeah, that’s more or less how I see the rule too. Ideally it wouldn’t exist, but without something like it in place, the majority of comments in a women’s issues community would come from men, especially on popular/controversial posts, and the mod team would get bogged down trying to keep discussion on topic. The tradeoff is between creating a community where women can speak to each other on these issues, or including men, some of whom would positively contribute to discussion and have their own relevant experiences to offer. The former isn’t really something that exists otherwise on Lemmy and I do feel it’s important to have a community to fulfill that purpose. I don’t see a more inclusive mod policy that’s simple enough to communicate as a rule for WomensStuff, but other communities could definitely step up to fill that role.

The last two bullet points are good ideas and it’d be completely valid imo to respond to a post in WomensStuff in another community including men. (“Guys, how do we feel about this?” kinda threads) !mensliberation@lemmy.ca may be what you’re looking for, it’s primarily for men and masc people but it is open to everyone to comment. (though my impression is that the vast majority of people there are men)

There you’d find discussion of issues men face too, and discussion of women’s issues could be framed around how men can respond to them. I think it’d actually be cool to encourage discussion of women’s issues among men, without women necessarily being present - I have a feeling different opinions and feelings would come up in a men’s community that probably need to be processed and understood, among people with lived experience as a man. Back when I identified as such I personally benefited a lot from browsing /r/MensLib and engaging in those types of discussions. So long as it’s centered around productive discussion rather than blaming women, which I do see these types of communities do a good job of.

MESSSAAAA!! :D :D The Spin is awesome, was just coming here to post The Dress (still might tbh) really enjoying the Model/Actriz album too.

my favorites released this year so far, in no particular order:

• Messa - The Spin

• Model/Actriz - Pirouette

• McKinley Dixon - Magic Alive!

• key vs. locket - i felt like a sketch

• Viagra Boys - viagr aboys

• Honningbarna - Soft Spot

• Aesop Rock - Black Hole Superette

• Los Thuthanaka - Los Thuthanaka

• Nuvolascura - How This All Ends

• Rival Consoles - Landscape from Memory

• Bleed - Bleed

other albums I’ve fallen in love with this year:

• Gallows Bound - Rotting Oak

• Holy Locust - Beneath the Turning Wheel

• Chelsea Wolfe - She Reaches Out to She Reaches Out to She

• Elder - Innate Passage

• James McMurtry - The Horses and the Hounds

vegan communities might be a closer example. A community of people vastly outnumbered by carnivores that have strong feelings about vegans. Generally when a vegan post gets popular, the comments become a bit of a shit fest due to the influx of people with less positive views of veganism. /r/SeattleWA had a similar issue and without effective moderation, turned into a place for non-Seattlites to complain about Seattle.

AFAIK WomensStuff is open to trans women and nonbinary folks - pretty much anyone who identifies with womanhood on some level and can speak on it based on their own personal experience.

as a nonbinary person with lived experience across the gender spectrum I feel at home both in WomensStuff as well as MensLib type communities, so the “windows + linux” example definitely applies in these spaces too.

it’s definitely a thing for me too :) ideal deep squatting posture is one thing, but for me tight calves end up causing pain / other movement issues / difficulty sleeping too. if it ever ends up bothering you, standing calf stretches like runners do can help, or downward facing dogs, and if you have a resistance band you can do these:

https://www.rehabhero.ca/exercise/banded-active-dorsiflexion

https://www.rehabhero.ca/exercise/elevated-banded-ankle-dorsiflexion

(if it never bothers you feel free to ignore, also posting this for the benefit of anyone else in this thread)

If you’re falling over backward, your calves might be tight! Your ankles have to flex far enough for your feet to sit back far enough to be under your center of gravity.

the rule isn’t based on an immutable quality - the community accepts AMAB trans women and nonbinary folks. It’s in line with the goal of the community being to discuss experiences with womanhood - people that don’t identify with any aspect of it aren’t who the community is for.

Usually self-policing is good enough for this kind of thing. as an American, I don’t have much reason to comment in European centered communities, and while I do occasionally see Americans posting there, it’s pretty rare. (and even more rarely welcomed, lol)

That changes when it’s a community of people that are vastly outnumbered by those that have strong feelings about them. take vegan communities for instance. Check the comments of any vegan community post that gets popular, it’s often a shit fest due to the influx of carnivore opinions, and I can understand mods not feeling able to keep up when this happens. Without enforcing some kind of standard in line with the goals of the community, you turn into /r/SeattleWA, a place for non-Seattlites to complain about Seattle.

Ideally I think this rule doesn’t exist, ideally this could be like other communities where people recognize their opinion isn’t needed here and move on - but that’s absolutely not going to happen with a women’s community.

You can very easily block it if you don’t like the idea of a community that isn’t for you, but e.g. as an American I do like checking in on European communities to see what’s going on over there. Even if they’re clowning on us. That’s ok.

Like you say, there’s lot of schools of thought around this. I think most everyone acknowledges that you have to have some level of organization in order for society to function. The question is, at what scale?

Some would say anarchy can exist alongside a state. Anarchy is how a community meets its needs when the state doesn’t, filling in the gaps between the broader pillars. The idea is that anarchy can “grow past” the state by outperforming larger institutions that don’t benefit from the same entrenchment in local community. I see this as a useful perspective to approach mutual aid from, for instance.

Others view the state and larger systems as an inherent threat to communities’ ability to organize themselves. As authoritarians seek greater power, they seek to undermine communities’ self-determination so power can be consolidated under the state. This is where historical tension between anarchists and state communists has arisen. People in this camp aren’t rejecting organization altogether, but view larger systems as having inherently corrupting incentives.

I tend toward the former personally, but know a lot of folks of the latter variety and see a lot of value in it too. I think it’ll always be a balancing act between local, community-driven structure and broader, country-scale structure.

Everyone’s gonna have different needs, but I’ve benefited a lot from having the option to sleep separately. Having a second bed set up means it can happen whenever we need, or accommodate if more people need to stay over.

Sometimes I’ll need to stretch out in a weird way or I’ll get muscle spasms that would keep us both up, so it’s a no brainer to sleep separately. Sometimes mentally I need the space too, but otherwise I really do like falling asleep with someone. So it’s like a 50/50 if it will work for me on any given night. My nesting partner tends to fall asleep a lot faster so usually I’ll cuddle her to sleep and then get back up, bumble around a little bit then go sleep in my bed. It works out great for the both of us!

I’m definitely with you in that diet culture does much more harm than good and the weight loss industry overcomplicates it in favor of wacky diets and subscriptions and such.

That being said, just because grifters overcomplicate something, doesn’t mean it’s actually not complicated - especially psychologically, which matters a lot when eating disorders, sensitivities, and difficulties acquiring and preparing quality food, all are in the mix. The psychological aspects are what “weight loss solutions” try to sidestep and I think it really sets people up for failure even if they see some short term loss early on.

Knowing about energy balance could be enough for some, but it’s also definitely reasonable for someone to have further challenges and seek outside help for it. A good nutritionist, trainer, or even therapist can be invaluable for someone struggling to lose weight and keep it off.

imo nobody who is struggling to lose weight needs to be told about energy balance. Everyone knows what a calorie is, and that there’s a daily amount at which they will either lose or gain weight. They probably know they’re above that amount, and need to bring it down to lose weight.

Unfortunately either a lot of good advice or a lot of bad advice can follow that. Nutrition and the psychological factors that influence people’s diets are more complicated and no answer is complete without getting into that too.

the best way to make it stick is to take it slowly. Become more aware of the food choices you make - a food log is helpful here - without necessarily looking to correct them first. Just note the times when you think about food, the times you’re able to eat healthy and smaller portions and the times when it’s harder. Then try and inject some alternatives, make healthier options available for yourself at home, and gradually move your food decisions toward more nutritious food and smaller portions of comfort food.

Even then, thinking in nutrition has moved on from eliminating “bad foods” to eating “good foods” first, and finding a level of moderation with less nutritious food that fits with your goals.

“Stop eating” diets and “fast weight loss” as a primary goal are very good ways to sabotage yourself in the long term. The psychological costs of very restrictive diets are real and lead to losing adherence down the road. Maybe it works for some but the more gradual choice-focused approach worked a lot better for me. Just do what you’re capable of day to day, always trying to push that needle a little further, and you might be surprised at how fast noticeable progress comes!

congrats on nearly 2 years, that’s a huge accomplishment!!

you’re right on, imo “iron wills” are not an ideal approach to addiction management and it seems way better to come to understand the default behavior first and implement alternatives so you can incrementally resist more when triggers happen. I’m not a smoker but I see this point made in research into food, gambling, and porn addiction and it makes sense - you’re setting yourself up to take control of the behavior which is a very empowering feeling even if it’s partial control in the short term.

It’s working out great! I’ve been openly polyamorous for a few years now. Romantically engaging with multiple people has allowed for the longest-running, most secure relationships I’ve ever had, with basically no downsides except the fuCKING work. It complicates the logistics (my shared calendar is a nightmare) as well as the emotions. (recognizing when I am jealous is a nightmare)

But the payoff is so worth it. We make the best use of the time we have together, because we have to. We communicate effectively, because we have to. Through many intersecting relationships with appropriate boundaries we’ve weaved a cohesive family unit, one that achieves a lot of mutual aid needs around housing, food, and mental health support among local queers. I’ve grown a lot as a person through having to communicate my insecurities, sort out my trauma, and think more clearly about the people in my life.

I think some people on the internet have heard of insane polycule drama at some point and declared it categorically unapproachable. But idk, we don’t write off monogamous relationships because a cousin’s friend’s marriage exploded. Polyamorous relationships run the same spectrum of great to dogshit, but with less rules that monogamous relationships demand, we have so much more flexibility to solve problems when they come up.

glad it worked out for y’all! It seems rare for a monogamous relationship to be successfully opened up, rather than it being the expectation from the outset. I can imagine it being a big challenge and test of your compatibility + ability to communicate. Was that your experience?

I crunched like hell in my mid 20s on a live service game that I enjoyed playing, was well loved and consistently played by a few fans, and had a few unique ideas in its niche. I gave up a lot of life for that game to see the light of day, under extremely tight timelines and wavering support from a flakey publisher.

It lasted less than a year in release because of a few mistakes in early access and it inhabited a saturated market that seems near impossible to penetrate now. The console ports that caused the worst months of the crunch never even saw a release.

Me and the rest of the devs would love to just play the game again, but the game’s kinda just rotting somewhere in storage of a publisher that long ago tried to pivot toward NFT/metaverse bullshit, to predictable results. Outside of a few early playtest builds a few people have (and definitely aren’t supposed to) we have basically no way of playing it ourselves, much less letting others play it. We couldn’t even get much approved to show in a portfolio once the studio closed and the assets went to the publisher. It makes me really sad and I’m no longer in game dev / tech at large professionally for that reason. This story is not unique, this is pretty much just how the industry works and devs near-universally feel screwed over by it.

In the age of early access viral hits, optimization is just something no publisher wants to put resources into before they know the game’s a success or not.

True story, a game I worked on at my last job shipped on Xbox One and PS4, the PS4 version was not even built until a month before shipping.

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