Doing some soul searching and I’m having a lot of complicated feelings lately about hookup culture and casual sex, honestly I think it could make for a good full on post in menby but I like my comfy low commit megathread shitposts.
Spoiler tag for readability
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But like…I’m starting to think maybe I’m just not built for casual sex/casual intimacy? Which as a man feels like it’s taboo to admit, like you’re made by patriarchy to feel weak or feminine for it (I’m personally totally cool with my femme/androgynous side but you know what I mean). Idk, my recent experience maybe isn’t representative - I hooked up with my friend and went in with strong feelings, and the boundaries were kind of confused inherently (claimed she wanted something strictly light/transactional after the fact knowing I had deeper feels, but then acted in a way that felt very intimate and romantic). It’s possible I could enjoy it in a situation where the terms are more clear. I also don’t want to extrapolate too too much from one exp or demonize my (now former 
) friend because also like people are fucked up and are allowed to have mixed feelings and cognitive dissonance about what they want and idt there’s a bad guy or anything.
But I also feel a deeper critique brewing that goes beyond my personal preferences. There’s a version of casual hookups that I think can be done ethically (where people are very explicitly clear about their terms) but under capitalism where we’re so heavily encouraged to treat people transactionally, I feel like maybe there’s a lot of inherent latitude to navigate people’s feelings carelessly in order to get what you want while not doing anything “wrong” on paper. And ofc under patriarchy men are conditioned to boundary push/cross consent lines and that’s a much bigger and more fucked up and destructive problem. Idk, I feel like there’s been an overcorrection in the (correct) rejection of puritan bullshit toward a belief that we’re all supposed to feel like this stuff is light and risk/consequence free in more progressive circles when in truth it really isn’t always that way. Or like…under capitalism sexual liberation is always going to be warped in unhealthy directions (sorta like liberal/capitalist co-option of any kind of liberation movement).
Maybe I’m just sad and making a bigger point out of it than I need to though, idk. Idk comrades. I just d k…
I’d also been in a relationship for almost 9 years (ended a few months ago) so this is all brand new to me. The apps are a whole other kettle of fish, if you’ve seen me in previous megathreads you’ve probably seen me complaining about them lol. Though they are ofc related and I think feed into the transactional and dehumanizing aspects of hook up culture. But yeah I wish there was more space for men to feel this way about it. But hey it’s just one small facet of how patriarchy & gender norms hurt us all.