I do consider myself non-binary and do enjoy dressing up even beyond just feeling excited or aroused from it. I wasn’t dressed up for that experience, other than me wearing panties and having shaved.
However your reply has helped me put into perspective, I do enjoy being submissive even in roleplay to both men (in RP since this was my first ever experience with one) and women, who I’ve been with before and always enjoy them taking charge.
And no, I don’t feel grossed out nor do I regret sucking a cock, I just have fears of being exposed which I think are fairly normal in this situation with a complete stranger. I do think your last point is key here, there was no talk and other than when he grabbed me to bust his load, I couldn’t even tell if I was doing a good job.
It’s been about 4 and a half hours now. I do think I simply over hyped it and bought into all the hypno and captions. Put the imagined experience on a pedestal and when it wasn’t that, it was like it all came crashing down.