Yeah, I don’t really know the answer to that. I may have misread OP’s question. I took it as a “how do I get back to the me that’s under all the adult garbage?” when maybe it’s more about not having time or energy to find themselves.

I don’t know how to answer that question, except to say we can always find ways to be better, more authentic versions of ourselves. From the clothes we wear to work or the music we listen to in traffic, to the conversations we have during dinner and the ways we talk about shows we’re binging.

Maybe there’s no time to add anything new, but we probably have the ability to make the time we have more expressive and more meaningful.

Dunno, man. I’m working it all out for myself too. Good luck to you.

Hey there, fellow tired and paused Dad!

I felt every word of what you said, and my advice for you is what I’m learning to tell myself every day.

Just let your freak flag fly, my friend.

There’s a cynical way to look at this. Nothing means anything, and there are no more rules anymore. We’re on the Titanic worrying about about which forks to use and whether we’re wearing the right shoes for dinner. Eat with your hands and wear clown shoes!

And there’s also a positive, constructive way to look at this. Whatever we’ve been doing, as a culture, as a generation, isn’t working. Maybe a generation of dads (and moms and all other people) pausing themselves hasn’t been good for us. Be the weird, awesome, thoughtful guy you seem to be, and your son will probably do the same. We’re not the hope for the future, but our kids are, and they deserve to see the unpaused us.

What have you paused? Pick up that old hobby. Remember your passion. Start over if you have to. Be a kid with your kid and figure out what you want to be when you grow up.

I don’t mean to preach. I’m mostly talking to myself here. But I wish you the best.

I don’t quite know what it is - the rounded corners, the simple design, knowing they’re for kids - they just make me happy to look at. Good work!

Honestly, just walk away.

If you really think this could endanger you and your family, just leave it alone. Your father-in-law’s demons don’t need to become yours. The knowledge of this weighed on him and scared him into inaction for decades, and now he’s passing that burden on to you and your wife? It’s kind of a dick move on his part to transfer that to his own daughter’s family.

Sorry if that answer seems selfish or cowardly, but in case you get a bunch of responses urging you to play private investigator, I’d encourage a more reasonable approach. What matters more to you - the safety of you and your family, or alleviating the guilt of the already deceased?

Good luck to you either way.