Just a reddit migrant.

  • 1 Post
  • 11 Comments
Joined 1 year ago
cake
Cake day: June 12th, 2023

help-circle








  • Wearing a pointy hat and accompanying gothic garb, Alice retail grinned at Bob, a middle-aged man wearing an unbranded T-Shirt. He held out a bottle of minion-yellow liquid, while Alice stirred a bubbling pot.

    “They’re the same thing.” Replied Bob.

    “No they’re not!” exasperated Alice, “How could you even say such a thing? This won’t do, look at it. Look.”

    She pointed at Bob’s bottle, by the caravan door.

    “It’s got the colour of bat piss! I asked for liquid gold, and this is not it.”

    “You asked for aqua regia, and it was not easy sneaking concentrated acid out of a lab.”

    “Yes, but of what use is a component without any spirit? I can’t add this to my potions and still claim it’ll embiggen their ‘swords’, it’ll be a sham!”

    “Excuse me?” Asked Bob. “Enlarge their what now? Look, I don’t care what you do after you buy it, but you need to pay me.”

    Alice huffed, but opened her purse to give Bob a single dollar coin. Continuing with her work, she took a sip from the ladle ignoring Bob’s growing stare.

    “Did you just drink soap? I just watched you pour five bottles of complimentary hotel bodywash into that pot-”

    “Cauldron.”

    “Cauldron. Whatever. Don’t you know most bath bombs are toxic? Especially when concentrated with heat.”

    “Well yes, but it’s a taste test.”

    “Chemistry is not cooking!”

    “This isn’t chemistry. This is alchemy. And you obviously don’t know anything about it.”

    She poured two drops of the aqua regia into the cauldron.

    “Hey! You still haven’t paid for that.”

    “I gave you precisely how much it was worth.”

    “If you’re not going to pay, then I’ll be taking that bottle back.”

    “I’ve already used two drops, I’ll have to use the rest, or else the potion will seize.”

    She added various powders and herbs in quick succession, timing each addition to the second. The bubbles frothed black against the milky pink liquid.

    “That’s fine, but I’ll need another $149. We agreed on Gumtree.”

    Alice frowned as she looked into her purse again, handing Bob a hundred dollar note.

    “Is there any other way I can pay? Perhaps you’re interested in some of my wares?”

    Bob collapsed his palms onto his face.

    “So you don’t even have the money. Why would I buy anything from your store in the first place?”

    “Well, I’ve still got some leftover enlargement potion.”

    “So, poison? I’d rather not get put on a list.”

    “I do have video evidence that it works you know.”

    “How even….?”

    “One bottle, & we’ll call the debt settled.”

    Bob paused.

    “So about that video…”



  • “It is the time!” Spoke Bob.

    “Indeed.” Answered Alice.

    “I must admit,” admitted Bob, “That I’d never thought it would come to this.”

    “I didn’t think it would come to this either.” Alice repeated.

    “I have something to confess”. Confessed Bob.

    “Oh! Why, in fact I wanted to confess something too!” Responded Alice.

    “Well out with it.” Spat Bob, “I’m not waiting for the figurative and/or literal end-of-the-world-as-we-know-it to end before you say it.”

    Alice made a face. Bob had seen faces before. He had seen Alice’s face before. But not this face. This face was one he had not seen before.

    “I refuse.” Shouted Alice angrily. She made another face that was different to the face she just made, that Bob also had not seen before. She was going to continue, but Bob interrupted her with a question that moved to the top of his thoughts.

    “Why?” Bob asked, as calmly as he could - which was very calm, going off what Dumbledore asked Harry Potter, in the movie, ‘Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire’. He though the book should have followed the source much more closely though.

    “Why?” Alice repeatedly repeated.

    Feelings were things women had. Alice was a woman. Therefore she had feelings. Her feelings told her to shout at Bob. She thought about it for an moment, and then shouted at Bob. Angrily. Very angrily. She said “Because my feelings are telling me to say this.”

    They made up, and the world-as-they-knew-it did not end, it continued.