I think I got a crush on my dance instructor. Which fucking sucks for all the obvious reasons. Normally I wouldn’t be so worried. BUT I JUST HAD A GODDAMN ROMANTIC DREAM ABOUT HER. Seriously I just woke up from a dream about her confessing her love to me and me eagerly doing the same about her.
So how do you stop a crush from developing further? Because this is a well from which only disappointment may be drawn.
Edit: I am single btw.
Try actively steering your fantasy past the peak of infatuation and into the latter stages of a relationship and on to breakup.
Right now, you have intrusive thoughts about falling in love with them, and probably the excitement of getting to know someone intimately. Instead of trying to hold back, let that fantasy play out in your head further. Imagine moving in, imagine them not getting you when you’re explaining your problems. Imagine liking them, but finding their bad habits increasingly intolerable, and never being able to pick a movie to watch. Imagine them not flushing the toilet and clogging the shower drain with hair. And then imagine meeting someone new, and feeling guilty about crushing had on them. Imagine this new person reciprocates, and imagine politely explaining to your dance instructor that you guys can stay friends but, the romance has run it’s course.
And there you are. The itch is scratched, and in your mind they’re just a friend again.
Holy shit, you’re a mad genius! Definitely gonna try this! thanks!
I’m 90% sure your instructor is a compulsive nose picker.
me too
I heard that your instructor uses windows (🤢)
How else would they get fresh air in their room?
More concerned from the stalker perspective
This totally works. Way back in middle school I had a pretty big crush on this guy. I was shy and there was just a trickle of his interest in me, posibly imaginary, but just enough to keep me miserable. One night had a pretty long dream about us going through a whole relationship with all the misunderstandings, arguments, and realizations that come with it. Woke up super refreshed, fulfilled, and ready to move on. About a year later he asked me out and I turned him down. Felt like it’d be going back to an ex or something.
This made me sad to the core. What’s the point of life
I’m sorry if I bummed you out! For what it’s worth, I think you’re misreading this!
This exercise isn’t supposed to reflect an inevitability to relationships becoming unfulfilling. It’s just a tool to recover the ability to see people in a balanced and realistic way instead of through the uncontrollably lens of puppy love.
I’m in a long term relationship, well past the point of early infatuation, and I can tell you that that feeling is replaced by a different kind of love that I enjoy just as much. Long term relationships shouldn’t be scary, they’re wonderful. But when you’re smitten, simulating the evolution in how you feel about someone as you get to know them is just a way to remove the effects of a crush.
Don’t be sad! Long term relationships with a person you like are wonderful.
Don’t be sad! Long term relationships with a person you like are wonderful.
Joke’s on you; I don’t have those.
Time. Crushes are naturally a temporary infatuation. They pass given time. Have fun with the fantasies, but I personally would not suggest trying to actually hit on her.
It’s poor form to hit on people in their work places. If she initiates, that’s one thing, but I wouldn’t try anything otherwise.
To be fair, it would be unprofessional and in poor taste for the instructor to advance on a student/client.
Play Baldurs Gate 3 and crush hard on your companions.
Shit your pants during dance class. All possibility is dead.
People have weird fetishes my man
(ง ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)ง
If all my years on Reddit have taught me anything, it’s this.
I’ve found that when I want to kill a crush I can start looking for characteristics I dislike. Everyone has them and early on in infatuation we gloss over them. But intentionally highlight them and that crush usually goes away pretty quick. Works for me anyway
She kicks puppies for fun and idolizes Hitler but God damn she’s sexy.
2 methods that I can think-of that might work, quickly enough for you:
-
deliberately develop a crush on someone else, like Lena Headey, or someone, whom you are not going to meet weekly, and
-
deliberately imagine her having total romancing with someone whom you both respect, value, & wouldn’t violate-their-boundaries.
Obviously, combining these 2 methods would be stronger.
Salut, Namaste, & Kaizen
_ /\ _
-
In my experience, get to know the person, as a person. I see the crush as a separate entity from myself. The crush sees them as some unrealistic ideal superhuman, which falls apart when I take time to find out who the actual person is.
This assumes you have opportunities to casually chat without planning time specifically, or you can be in a regular part of group conversations.
Isn’t getting to know someone better the exact same path you would take if you like them too?
Didn’t hear any compelling reasons as to why an actual relationship would be bad. Having a relationship with an authority figure (teacher, doctor, therapist, etc) is taboo and often illegal, but if there’s really a connection there it should be doable to change up schedules or find new instruction so there’s no conflict anymore. Most of my crushes though have been very superficial and a few conversations dispelled the fantasy.
I had a crush and had this like, idea* of who they might be.
Got to know them more and more, and… they’re exactly the person my imagination fabricated.
Anyway, we’re married and shit now. I wish the same for every person with a crush.
that is the ideal way it works out. It’s rare but awesome.
I see the crush as a separate entity from myself. The crush sees them as some unrealistic ideal superhuman, which falls apart when I take time to find out who the actual person is.
That’s pretty damn well put.
This assumes you have opportunities to casually chat without planning time specifically, or you can be in a regular part of group conversations.
There is maybe a tiny window. But it’s worth a shot.
Don’t jerk off thinking about her
Imagine her picking her nose and eating the booger. Next, imagine her taking a huge stinky steaming dump. Disclaimer: only works if you’re not German.
Or Cartman’s mother.
Meet new people
I’m pretty much the same as you. I just do my hobbys or play games and such. You slowly forget about her, trust me.
Didn’t work for me. It’s been fucking 4 years.
Then I doubt it’s a crush.
What it’s then?
Come out of the closet as asexual and aromantic and the issue will disappear like a puff of smoke.
NOTE: this strategy could have negative consequences if you live in a country that doesn’t recognize LGBT rights.
Would asexuals really have that bad of a time in a country that is not that supportive of LGBT? I don’t think not wanting to have sex is seen as bad by people who dislike LGBT?
In my country especially (it’s Morocco), so many people think it’s a bad idea to not get married and not have children (which requires sex anyway) simply because it’s so engrained in our society to do that. Blame the state religion.
Idk why, but when I told my dad I wanna be celibate, he called me an atheist, which I’m not.
Also, asexualism is technically a part of LGBT, just in a very secondary manner. If people know about the full picture, they’ll start threatening you.
Any religious argument against LGBT folks works just as well on Ace folks. (Which is to say they don’t, but the people making the arguments think they do)
I first read that as “asexual and aromatic” and I was like, … Well, i guess if you don’t like sex and you smell like garlic…
Even my keyboard thought I meant to say “aromatic”
You and your dance instructor should hang out and take molly together.
Shit yourself in front of her. You may need to prepare with laxative beforehand.
How the fuck did this get suggested twice?
They call me “big cat” cause ima puma pants
Full speed ahead, tell her how you feel. It can only end in two ways:
-
Your dream becomes a premonition and you live happily ever after.
-
She tells you she doesn’t feel the same way and it ends there, awkwardly or not.
Speaking from experience. I had a crush on this one girl and I just couldn’t get her out of my mind. I decided to do something about it and asked her out. She said no and that was the end of it.
Don’t be afraid to be awkward.
Edit: If this truly is an impossible situation (you or the instructor are already in committed relationships) then I agree with everyone else telling you to find another instructor.
OR
Still do what I said but try to reconcile your feelings for her, with her. Also speaking from experience here. If she is a dance instructor, she is probably no stranger to having her pupils develop feelings for her.
If she is a dance instructor, she is probably no stranger to having her pupils develop feelings for her.
But this just makes it worse. Cause you’re probably right. Which would make me feel even more like a schmuck. Yeah I think I’m just gonna go find a new instructor.
Maybe you could get a new instructor, but tell the current one why, and say you just feel it’s right to move on.
Then, if there’s any reciprocating feelings you might find out. And if not, at least you’re already moving on.
Agreed. Coming out to a crush has never helped me personally as it was pretty evident they weren’t showing as much interest in me as I had in them. For me, crushes have always happened when my exposure to the person was one-sided/parasocial (as seems to have been the case in your lesson). I have found that the most effective way to prevent this is to get to know people that excite you on a personal level before a crush can develop. This usually means enthusiastically trying to interact with them moment I notice them and abandoning them if it does not work out — instead of watching them for a while and then deciding whether to approach.
-
